Chances That You're Burning Through

Original | Chapter Fifteen

~Demi's POV~

After managing to stabilize Anabelle, Kim approaches us four adults with a grim expression.

"Don't sugarcoat it," I command, fearing the worst.

"Her seizure was a result of sodium loss due to her purging. Demi, her body weight," she sighs. "She's on the brink between life and death. Honestly, I'm kind of surprised she's still able to stand on her own two feet."

"Well, how much does she weigh?" I inquire.

"About seventy pounds."

I place my face in my open palms. How did it get this bad? Why didn't I do more to help her?

"I suggest that she begins inpatient treatment-,"

"No," Joe interrupts.

"No?" I look at him in bewilderment. "What do you mean 'no'? Did you not understand her?"

"I understood her perfectly."

"Well, clearly you didn't. I know that you didn't want to be a dad in the first place, but your daughter is dying, Joe. She's killing herself."

"We don't even know what she wants. She may not even want inpatient treatment."

"Of course she's not going to want treatment, especially not inpatient. But would you rather bury her?"

He goes quiet.

"What about Timberline Knolls?" I suggest aloud.

"After she's able to be discharged," Kim adds, and I nod. "I'll be back to check on her in an hour."

As Kim leaves, nobody speaks, and my thoughts wander.

This is my fault.

All of this is my fault.

If I had just been a decent mother from the very beginning...

It's my fault that she's suffering.

My fault.

Abruptly, I rise to my feet and hurry after Kim. I catch her arm as she's turning the corner.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She rhetorically questions, and I roll my eyes.

"Can you help me with something?"

"Depends."

"I-I want an abortion."

"Demi, you told me that you don't believe in abortions."

"I know," I remember telling her that back when I was pregnant with Anabelle, "but how can I bring another child into this world, knowing that I'd only be setting him or her up for failure? I've already ruined Anabelle's life-"

"None of this is your fault, Demi."

"Yes, it is. If I had just been there for her-,"

"You had no choice, Demi. You had to take care of yourself first."

"But at the expense of putting my child through hell?" I shake my head, tears starting to form in my eyes. "With Anabelle and, God forbid, my other two daughters, I can only do so much to help them, but with this one," I place my hands on my flat abdomen. "I can prevent a lifetime of suffering."

"You're not thinking rationally, Demi. I get that a lot has happened. I get that you're stressed and worried. But that's no reason to make such a hasty, permanent decision. You haven't even told Wilmer that you're pregnant yet."

"He doesn't need to know. If I don't tell him, then I get an abortion, he doesn't get hurt because he won't know."

"But you'll get hurt. You'll feel guilty and regretful."