The Opposite of Falling Apart

CHAPTER 5 - JONAS

Every week Jonas's mom asked him to go on some errand or another with her. Every time before, Jonas had declined. Since school had gotten out, he'd only gone to the follow-up visits with his doctor and on yesterday's ill-fated excursion to deliver Taylor's permission slip.

This was why his mom was somewhat surprised that he said yes when she asked if he wanted to go to the grocery store with her for the weekly shopping.

His residual leg was relatively sore from the overexertion yesterday. The last time it had had to bear any weight was when he'd first been fitted for the permanent prosthesis, and he hadn't used it since then. Jonas stood in front of the mirror on his closet door, hunched over his crutches. Fake leg? No fake leg? He shifted his weight. He'd always hated the way it felt, like he was standing on one leg, even with the crutches. He'd had crutches once before, when he'd twisted his ankle during soccer season. Then there was still the feeling of a leg there, no empty space throwing off his balance. As much as Jonas hated the prosthesis, it felt less like he was hopping around on one leg.

He decided to wear the prosthesis but to still use the crutches. If anyone asked—if she asked—he could say he'd sprained his ankle or something. He'd found the good liner, at least. Stuck in an old box of winter sweaters at the back of his closet.

Jonas hoped she—Brennan—would actually be at work today. Otherwise, bringing along the sixty dollars currently in his pocket would be for nothing. What did dents cost to fix? He didn't know, but the twenty dollars he'd given her yesterday certainly couldn't be it. Would sixty more? He hoped so. He'd spent the morning digging through his sock drawer, his desk drawer, and a stack of old birthday cards, pulling together every bit of cash he had. He didn't have anything else, and talking to his parents wasn't an option.

Once Jonas was actually in the passenger seat of his mom's minivan, he regretted agreeing to come along. What was I thinking? Brennan hadn't wanted money; maybe if he'd listened, he wouldn't be forcing himself out of the house again. He massaged his leg absentmindedly— that pins and needles sensation there again, this time in his toes (his toes that weren't really there anymore). He hated the phantom sensations. It was bad enough to feel pain, but to feel pain in a limb that wasn't there? It was creepy. At least with the proper liner the prosthetic leg felt like it would actually stay on.

"Jonas?" His mom's voice was hesitant. "Are you all right?" They stopped at a stoplight and she turned to look at him with concern.

Jonas snapped out of his thoughts, recognizing the stoplight as the one from the fender bender. He thought about how easy it would be for one driver to not be paying attention—one driver to hit them. One driver—an old man in a semitruck—to hit him.

"Fine, Mom," he said, giving her a small smile. He thought this one might look a little more real than usual.

She seemed satisfied and continued on when the light turned green.

Jonas thought about the Act of Leaving the House. He was oddly proud of himself for leaving yesterday, even if it had been a disaster.

He'd left, gone out, and that was what had mattered. It felt good, which was surprising. Jonas had mentally promised himself to try again sometime. He just hadn't expected to be trying again so soon. But his mom needed groceries, Brennan worked at the grocery store, and he was tired of feeling like he was getting off because of the leg (even though Brennan didn't know about it, so it couldn't be the reason she was letting him off the hook for his role in the accident).

His mom parked the car, and they walked in together—or rather, Jonas crutched inside while his mom walked. He received a few glances, but not nearly as many as he would have if he had just left his pant leg empty and the prosthetic leg at home. His sweatpants covered the metal, and he almost felt normal. Almost.