Doesn't Play Well With Tricksters

14 - How Dare You

"What the hell?" Rachael gasped, blinking the remnants of the illusion away.

"That," Loki answered, standing to tower above her. "Was, for lack of better terminology, a truth illusion. They are designed to cut out the lies we tell ourselves and get straight to the most basic wants and needs we deny ourselves."

He tightened his grip on her hand and stepped closer when she tried to take a step back.

"I had intended to end the illusion after finding out how you woke me, but it seems we have much more to discuss."

"What does it matter how you woke up?" She asked. "You were going to die. I had to try."

"Excuses, excuses." He smirked, moving his hands to her waist and pulling her closer. "Pay attention. The illusion doesn't change how your body reacts, it only silences your mind long enough to let your body have what it wants."

"That's enough, Loki." She pushed against his chest, only to have him hold her that much tighter. "Fine," she all but growled. "I admit, I'm attracted to you. But that doesn't change things. You're still the same man who destroyed New York City in an attempt to rule the world. You're still the same man who would jump at the chance to destroy your brother so you can rule Asgard. I still can't trust you."

"You're wrong." He protested, loosening his grip just enough to make it feel more like he was embracing her and less like she was a prisoner in his arms. "I no longer covet the throne  of Asgard. I want to return home, but not to rule. I wish only to finish my mother's work, care for her garden, and honor her legacy."

Ignoring the obvious lie in his statement, she focused on the nugget of truth behind his words. "I was told what happened. You do know the only one who sees any fault at your feet for her death is you, right?"

He stiffened. "Because they don't know what I did. Or how she haunts me." He released her and dropped down into the chair.

She leaned her rear against the desk and motioned for him to continue.

"You wouldn't understand."

"I'll never understand if you don't tell me."

"I sent them toward the throne. As they passed my cell, I advised them to take the quicker route. If I hadn't, she would have had time to get away. She would still be alive."

"Well, that's just ridiculous." Rachael huffed, counting the reasons on her fingers. "First, you didn't even know she was there, being locked in a cell, you couldn't possibly know where everyone was or where they were headed. As far as you knew, her and Jane could have been on Earth getting facials and matching manicures."

He raised an eyebrow at her arguement. She, obviously didn't know Frigga or Thor's Jane at all. Neither were the type to spend precious time on such frivolous things.

"Second, and this is in no way against her so don't take it that way, from what I've heard of her Frigga was more than capable of making her own decisions and having the consequences be on her. She made the decision herself.

"Third, Frigga stood up to Malekith, refused to hand over the aether and very likely saved Jane's life in the process. That means she died a hero and for you to make her sacrifice your fault diminishes it, and diminishes her memory in the process."

Loki's eyes flashed red, stopping Rachael before she could lift a fourth finger.

She stared into his eyes, watching them slowly return to their normal color before giving her fourth and final point. "You are the only person, Asgardian and Human alike, who blames you for her death. You've done a lot of things in your very long life, but this isn't one of them."

"How dare you!?" He glared, standing to tower over her. "You know nothing of my Mother."

"No, I don't." She answered, her voice low but her eyes never leaving his. "But I know what it's like to lose the only person who always treated you like family and then find yourself wondering if anything you did, or could have done but didn't, made it happen. I lost my Aunt in a similar way. She killed herself when she found out where her magic came from, but not before binding her daughter so she would never be able to use her magic. I live every day with the thought that, had I went to check on her when I came home, I would have been able to save her. Instead I hesitated. I came up with excuses to not go in and see if she needed anything."

"Your Aunt was a coward." He spat, his temper flaring.

"I agree," She answered. "Doesn't make it hurt less. Doesn't make me feel less guilty. Doesn't change a damn thing. But neither does kicking myself for something I may or may not have been able to prevent. Or for not seeing the signs of what was about to happen. I couldn't read the future then any more than I can now, and I don't know if I could have done something different." She shrugged, the innocent gesture looking somehow helpless.

"Just like you kicking yourself won't change what happened. It won't bring her back. It won't heal that festering wound where your heart used to be. It's still going to hurt. It's still going to haunt you. Thousands of years from now, when this conversation is nothing but a distant and vague memory, it's still going to hurt. It's still going to haunt you. You'll still wish you could go back and do something different."

He scoffed. "You don't understand the half of it. It's not her memory that haunts me, you ignorant child." He looked down his nose at her while his temper continued to speak for him. "She haunts me. Several night a week, she visits me while I sleep. Always forgiving. Always bloody cryptic."

"Wait?!" Rachael exclaimed. "You mean she actually visits you?"