Sitting on a chair, staring at a window, wondering about freedom from the outside. Hearing those joyous cries from the children makes me want to go and play with them too. Yet, I'm still here, imprisoned. Mother would always come to check up on me and says that I should always study. And should I ever defy her, she won't be grateful. I always obey her, but there are also times where we argue about why she always does this to me. She always said that she loves me and that I should always stay home over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over until everything she says stucks to my head. After that, she always guilt-trips me and then compares me to others, who I don't even know. I felt like a bird, locked up in a Birdcage with wings clipped off. I lived a solitary life.
Until there was one day I tried to escape. The feeling of making my own choices, being independent, venturing down a path where risks let me achieve my goals, that's what I'm yearning for. But, all those plans I made have all been for nothing. She knew what I intend to do as if she read me like a book. We had a one-on-one talk. I expressed my feelings towards her that I hate being a wingless bird and being dependent, but she did what she always does to me. She knew I was such a pushover and used that against me. In the end, I'm still locked up in this Birdcage, doing nothing but her demands.
I wondered, breaking a connection may give back the freedom I once lost. But, do I really want to abandon my only mother? Should I really do it? Abandoning my own mother just to gain freedom? Even though she constricts me from everything, she still loves me and I love her too. I asked myself, thought to myself, and even questioned myself what will happen after that. What will I do after I left from her arms? Is it a bad decision or good? After all, I'm taking such a huge risk. But that risk. Will I ever handle it?
Sitting on a chair, staring at a window, wondering...
Is achieving freedom necessary?
