The Traitor (The Third Wheel's spin-off)

Chapter Twenty: Babies cannot have babies

A/N:  1) Sorry for those of you who haven't read The Third Wheel, hope you won't be bored because this is another chapter exclusively focused on Kyle & his mates...

2) Please don't expect too much realism here... I have yet to meet a werewolf in labour.

Warning: m-preg.

KYLE'S POV

Should I try to get in touch with Alex again? And say what? Hey, old pal, how have been things going? Can't believe so much time has passed since last time when you tried to kill me!

Okay, I know I am a bit unfair here, pardon me, I can never completely stop being sarcastic -don't y'all go thinking that being pregnant made me a tidy bit nicer.

I feel much better since Alex explained everything to me, a few weeks ago. In the end, he refused to kill me, defying Adrien's orders, and that's what matters. It doesn't matter if he was befriending the Alpha's enemy pack. He was in love, he needed affection, still needs it. I can now understand him a bit better, my tormented friend with his bottled-up emotions.

Maybe the reason he could always understand me so well was because he and I are a bit similar.

While we don't lack empathy, when it comes to ourselves, we don't take our own pain seriously.

Been there, Alex. Done that.

I used to be mad at myself for feeling so much pain.

I thought I had no valid reason to be this sad. I was, after all, the jealous teenager who had tried to sexually assault one of his best friends. My mates are now always reminding me that I was young, that I was under the influence of the suppressants at that time and that I couldn't feel properly because of my uncle's cruelty towards me.

They're not wrong, but at the same time, my behaviour was still condamnable and horrendous. What I did - tried to do, was wrong, no matter how you look at it. I will never forget Nate's desperate pleas for help, or the way Darren had looked at me that night when he found me on the bed, on top of his mate.

I never want to loose control again like this. It took me time to admit to my mates that for many nights after the "incident", as some people call it, I was afraid of myself. I was afraid that something was wrong with me, and that I might try again to do such a despicable thing like this in the future. I was terrified at the idea of being nothing but a monster, who doesn't deserve to be loved - who might not even deserve to live.

Thanks to Nate and Darren's stuborness, I have been "seeing someone", as the saying goes.

Okay, I have been talking to a shrink. Me. Kyle. The werewolf who used to be as closed-off as a shell.

He told me that the reason why I was always running until exhaustion, why I kept taking suppressants even after my uncle's death was because I wanted to always be in control. Apparently, I thought that everything coming from me was necessarily wrong, and that I could never again let go, act without thinking or follow my instincts.

There are things that will always escape our control, though. Unbelievingly, a few years later Darren and Nate, my former best friends and happily mated packmates were back in my life. During the Mating Ceremony, the three of us were equally shocked to learn that I was their mate.

Alright, that's not exactly true. They were livid. Furious beyond words. As for me, I was terrified. Terrified of what I could do to them. At least, when I was alone, the risks of being a nuisance was much lower. I couldn't take the risk of having a soulmate, much less two.