I'll Be Good

Chapter 1: I'll Be Good

Hi! I'm Ellie, I'm 16 and this is my first story. I really hope you like it!! I obviously don't own Harry Potter or anything you might recognise from the series, I only own my OC.
Enjoy!

My past has tasted bitter, for years now.
So I wield an iron fist.
Grace is just weakness.
Or so I've been told.
I've been cold, I've been merciless.
But the blood on my hands scares me to death.
Maybe I'm waking up, today.
I'll be good, I'll be good.
And I'll love the world like I should.
I'll be good, I'll be good.
For all of the times that I never could.....

Severus Snape woke up on the 1st of November 1981 and wished he hadn't. How could he go on now? All of it, every day, every hour, every second of being with Lily flashed through his head, causing his headache to worsen. How could he go on now he knew he would never see her red hair caught in the sunlight, or the way her hands moved through the air when she got excited about a new spell, or see those emerald green eyes look into his onyx ones and see right through the azakaban worthy walls he always had up? Although he could see those same emerald green eyes just on the face on James Potter, it would never be the same.

Harry Potter. That's the reason he was still in this hellhole that people would call 'his life'. That's why he was still fighting for this pitiful existence he'd been so graciously gifted. Well, even if everything else was lost he still knew one thing, fate hated him. And for good reason too. Who doesn't hate him? Severus Snape, forever taunted and called names throughout his 'life'. Boy, freak, Snivellus, evil, unnatural, Devils child, ugly, Death Eater, slimy snake.... There were only two people in his life who hadn't hated him or used him and both were dead now. Even his current friends, if they could even be called that, were all Slytherins and used him from time to time. Lucius was probably the closest he'd get now to a true friend. And while Lucius was a good man who regretted joining the Dark Lord almost as much as himself, Lucius truly hated muggles and, consequentially, hated muggleborns to a certain degree too.

Severus hauled himself out of bed, he was never one to give up. Not even when he wanted nothing more than too close his eyes for the last time and sleep forever, he couldn't. Lily's child would need him. And he would help. No matter how much the boy would infuriate him by breaking the rules just as his blessed farther had. He would save the child from harm if he could. In the hopes that when he did finally die, Lily might be willing to listen to his apologies. Maybe it would help if he got out his guitar. His lips twitched at the thought of anyone finding out he could sing. He was just the greasy haired slimy snake, no one would think he could actually hold a tune if he wanted. He wasn't good, by any means, but he was decent. And funnily enough music had always been an escape for him. It seemed to know exactly what he was feeling, even if he didn't know it himself.

Last night he was so overcome with grief and the shock of losing Lily he'd apparated to Spinners End instead of back to Hogwarts, but as it was a Sunday and as he didn't have patrols he could have the day off. He took a quick a shower and threw on a black turtleneck and some black slacks.  He opened the window and made his bed, and slipped his wand in its holster. He then made his way into the kitchen to make some breakfast. He ate his cornflakes in silence. Once he'd finished them he placed the bowl in the sink, he would wash up later, and headed upstairs to grab his guitar from under his bed, he hid it there incase Albus or Lucius came over for something. It was unlikely but better safe than sorry. He sat down on his desk chair and strummed the guitar strings until the words came along.

When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful.
Everything hour spent together,
Lives within my heart.
And when she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears.
And when she was happy,
So was I.
When she loved me.