It wasn't for the the thirst. It only served as a late night treat. A bitter cup of coffee and a lonesome rusk.
I took my cup of coffee from the table, and wandered to my room.
Goodnight
My relatives said to me. Slowly the door was closed as it creaked at the hinges. The room was dark, only lit by a single lamp. Looking down at the cup in my hand, I realised how lonely I felt all of a sudden. I wanted to invite my sibling to my room, just to chat about dits and thats, but...
I couldn't.
The coffee was bitter on my tongue, even though that wasn't the reason for my hesitation. The dark of the room made me feel depressed, but if I turned on the light, I felt like I was being watched.
I couldn't quite understand why I was feeling such way. Recently I often felt like this. Only now I had a cup of coffee and I wanted to share it.
My thoughts had been keeping me up late at nights until I would see the sun the next morning. Recently, sleep was rare, and if I would get some sleep, the nightmares would get back. And there was someone else who keeps telling me how terrible I am. If I could, I would probably try to kill her, but she lived in my thoughts. Fighting her was useless. She always won.
Damn you!
Once again she was telling me things that I didn't want to hear, and since I couldn't get my hands on her, I deliberately threw a punch at the wall next to my bed. Fuck, I think I hurt my wrist...badly.
Nevermind. I'll live... I'll get over it. Pain, like my older cousin always told me, is just weakness leaving the body.
I always thought that I was emotionally strong. Usually I am good at hiding my problems. But this night was different. A tear made its way across my cheek and I carefully tried to wipe it away, but it only resulted into more tears. All of a sudden I cried. All the guilt, all the shame, and all the sorrow. Dammit, it made me feel so pathetic. I made me feel so pathetic because I had lost to myself. Again. I gave a last desperate attempt to wipe away my tears and reached out in front of me. Maybe the coffee would make me feel better, I thought and brought the cup to my lips, but it had already gotten cold.
~A~
Hey guys, thank you so much for reading. Please tell me in the comments if you liked it, and if you did, please make sure to leave a like and if you want to, check out some of my other stories.
~ Author-san~
