Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Zaterdag 21:21

LUCAS
Lucas walked down the sidewalk, pausing outside the door of Jens's apartment building. He was taking quick, shallow breaths, his hands shaking, even though they were stuck firmly in his pockets.

He shook his head, blinking his eyes and pressing his lips together.

He'd read Jens's message not even an hour after he sent it. He hadn't responded. He'd thought about it, even typed a few words out, moving his thumbs in the air above the screen. He'd typed out "You didn't do anything" and "I'm sorry." And then he deleted them. He wanted to talk to Jens in person.

It took him a lot to finally decide to see Jens. He'd stalked back and forth in his hotel room, clutching his phone to his chest. Reread the message over and over. Thought about it. And thought. And thought. And thought.

He wanted to tell Jens about his anxiety and panic tonight. He also wanted to kiss him. And hold his face. And run his hands through his hair.

Lucas's knee bounced anxiously as he scanned the front of the building. He took in a deep breath and held it, thinking about where Jens could be. He thought that maybe he could be in his room. Smoking. Or watching a movie or playing video games.

Lucas squeezed his eyes shut and turned away, walking down the sidewalk a little bit, and then sat on a bench under a tree, tilting his head back and breathing in the crisp air.

JENS
Jens pushed open the door to the apartment building, a gust of warm air rushing over him. His cheeks stung from the cold and he pulled his hat off as the door swung shut behind him, shoving it into his pocket.

"Jens?"

He jumped slightly, turning back.

Lucas stood in the doorway, his hood covering his head, a few curls escaping across his forehead. Jens blinked, stepping back to look at him as he stepped into the building. They stood apart from each other, looking. Jens saw Lucas's eyes travel across his body before ending at his face.

Jens swallowed. The air felt thick, and he didn't know what to say.

"Can I talk to you?" Lucas asked quietly. The question was hardly even out of his mouth before Jens was replying, "Yes."

Lucas stepped away from the door, towards Jens. The only sound Jens could hear was the passing cars outside and the hum of the lights. Jens kept his eyes on Lucas's, not realizing how close he was until his forehead was pressing against his.

Jens took a deep breath, and they both closed their eyes. Jens's hand reached up and touched Lucas's chest gently, the string of his sweatshirts twisting around his fingers. Lucas pulled his head back, opening his eyes and looking at Jens. Jens looked peaceful and calm, his face relaxed, his eyes still closed.

"I'm sorry," Lucas whispered.

Jens opened his eyes and looked into Lucas's. His face hardened, his brow furrowing slightly. Lucas stepped back, and Jens's hand fell. Jens relaxed his face, thinking perhaps he had looked angry. He didn't want to look angry.

"Just..." Jens trailed off. They looked at each other, neither of them knowing what to do or say. "What happened?" he finished.

Lucas looked down, away from Jens, and took a deep, shuddering breath. Jens waited.

"I just...I panicked."

Lucas looked into his eyes intensely. He couldn't get the right words out. Didn't know how to get the right words out. Didn't even know what words he had to get out.
    He could hardly even explain it to himself.