Winter

Chapter five

My eyes were blank in Math, which was a wonderful thing for Mrs. Treiton.  All the fight had drained out of me over the night, because once again I’d slept unbelievably badly.  I felt like a glass mannequin on display; everyone could see through to my heart, and everyone watched me with an intense precision which made me antsy.  I knew Emily, Briant, and Mark watched with sympathy, hoping to keep Blake away from me.  I also knew that I was an exhibit for everybody else.  Throughout the week, as I’d been losing all energy and joy, while Stephanie had become animate and crazy.  She was practically bouncing off the walls to see me miserable; which once would’ve made me furious with rage, but now just made me slump deeper inside of myself.

“April, what is the square root of two hundred seventy nine?” Mrs. Treiton cawed.  I blinked up at her.

“I don’t know.”

“Guess.”

“I don’t care,” I responded, my voice still flat, along with everything else about my demeanor.

“April, where is this sass coming from?” she threw her chalky pale hands onto her hips

“Look,” I shot out of my seat, gathering my belongings, “Let’s just cut this shindig short.  I really don’t have the time or energy today, Mrs. Treiton.  Kick me out now, and let’s skip this drama.”

“April!  You cannot just walk out of a class!” She screeched.  Shockingly, I ignored her.  As my feet drug out the door, I could feel Emily’s eyes staring at my back with concern unparalleled.  

Despite the fact that Latin was next, and my favorite class, I couldn’t bring myself to deal with anything.  Somehow, the emptiness of the school halls felt like poetic justice.  I felt like a ghost as I moved through them; a pale shadow of what I was just days before.  My bag slumped against my back, I looked like crap, and the echos of the halls reflected those realizations back at me.  I floated into the gym, where the bleachers were down, and crawled under them.  Using my bag as a pillow, I assumed the fetal position and slept in the dark, cobwebbed alcove.

Another nightmare plagued my rest, but unlike the others, in this dream I didn’t want to deal with it.  I killed myself, and though the dream ended abruptly, it ended well, and the rest of my sleep was undisturbed.

A bell rang, waking me up.  I didn’t know which bell, but due to the angle of the light streaming into the gym, I guessed it was lunch.  Drowsily, I pushed my way out the gym doors,  flinching in the sunlight.  Nobody else was out, and once again I was alone while my feet kicked up dirt going up to my tree.  The sun was scorching hot, and for the first time in a long time my tree wasn’t providing a comfortable amount of shade.  The air was far to stiff, and I just looked around, taking in my surroundings.  Mark sat down with Shannon, the two of them smiling sweetnesses to each other.  Briant and Emily were leaning against each other as she helped him with something that was probably history homework.  My heart throbbed.

With a lonely sigh I took a bite of my sandwich; which was also too dry.

“Lonely, huh?” Blake asked from the other side of the tree.  Inwardly i seethed.

“Leave me alone, Blake.”

“I can’t do that,” He spoke, his voice not demanding and angry like the two previous days, but soft and sympathetic.  Sympathetic?  I thought to myself, shocked.

“Why?  I believe this is my tree; it even has my name etched into it,” I pointed at the name ‘April Tangella’ which was carved into the wood.

“April, I need to apologize for the past few days.  I’ve been behaving horribly.  There’s really no excuse-” Blake’s foot scuffed the ground in embarrassment.  I could feel his eyes trying to find mine, to make the apology sincere.  I continued staring at my food.