Daily Cup of Bad Poetry

Inner Most Thoughts

I feel like a secondary character in my own life

If you ask me who I love my name will never fall from my lips

My name will drown in the back of my throat while all of the world rolls off my tongue

If you ask me who I love my pride will list the entire school before even thinking about me.

I'm looking through a window at myself doing things I never wanted to do.

I force myself into these ideals of what I think i should be

Or what I think the world needs

Like art

And music

And dance

And writing

And school

And living

I let myself down constantly and I'm too scared to say I love you with meaning behind it because almost everyone I've said I love you to has left.

I can't think straight at all

Words and images swirl around my head so fast it's hard for me to hold on to them

I can't think straight at all

I repeat stuff to myself a lot because I want to remember but if you met my train of thought you wouldn't question why I always forget because you would see that the tracks are falling apart

Kinda like how I'm falling apart

On the inside I think I might die because I have no idea how I will survive next year and the only thing that's keeping me going is that I'm scared to die and have everyone forget me.

I wish I could disappear

I hate being seen

it makes this bubble filled with the monsters pandora released in it take over my chest

But I hate not being seen

It reassures the fact that I am just a secondary character in the lives of so many people

I wish I didn't overthink as much and people didn't try to get into my head

Like how she who raised me seeks to break me intentionally

While he who befriends me breaks me accidentally

Because no one really knows how easy it is to get into my head and drive me crazy.

I wish I didn't dream so big because I know that I can never reach those dreams

I hope I can help someone not feel so alone

but how can I do that when all I feel is alone?

Tell you a secret?

I want to rule the world someday

But how can you rule the world if you are never noticed?