I Want Your Heaven and Your Oceans Too

Remedy

This piece is connected to the universe of Hello, When We Were Young, and Send My Love (To Your New Lover). :)

There wasn't a single soul on Earth who could have told her, "I bet you'd never believe you'd go from clubbing all night to pulling all-nighters with a baby." If anyone had so much as uttered the words, she would have told them where they could go without a second thought.

Because the truth was, even during those days, as carefree and fun as they were, she'd known that one day, inevitably, she'd be a mother. In the beginning, it had been all about her career and understandably so...she was young but ambitious as hell and determined to make a name for herself, no matter what it took. 

It had been more than finding fame, though she had wanted that too. Writing music helped her escape from trauma, from pain. Gaga had taken over where Stefani was weak, when she had had enough, and she was a damn superhero, a warrior queen; everything she'd needed her to be at the time. Creating a fearless persona had saved her life, more times than she could recall and in turn, that gave her everything she could have wanted.

But there was always a missing component. There was always a sense of standing on a hill alone with her arms out, waiting for someone, for something. It never appeared and yet, she remained on that hill, refusing to come down. She was stubborn, almost to a fault, but she knew her patience would pay off one day.

It had to.

After heartache and a foray into a marriage that was never meant to be, happiness was finally bestowed upon her...a second chance that she thanked God every day that she decided to give...a chance that gave her the family she'd always wanted.

Bradley and Lea.

And the beautiful bundle in her arms, the gift she'd prayed to be blessed with, wished upon a star for, dreamed into fruition, for many years. It was a dream she'd nearly given up on. Maybe she didn't deserve to know what it was like to be a mother, perhaps it wasn't in the cards, she'd told herself over the years, something to make her feel like less of a failure, to balm some of the disappointment.

As Stefani gazed down at her son, his tiny face completely peaceful as he nursed, she brought her hand to his cheek, marveling again how soft his skin was, how good he smelled. He'd been home for a week, but it still seemed surreal; she'd brought a person into the world. Her body, as much as it betrayed her in certain circumstances, hadn't given up this time. It had been a vessel for life and it had used all of its strength and all of its power to give birth. She was in complete awe of it and how it rallied as she pulled through an eleven-hour labor. It hadn't been an easy pregnancy but his transition into the universe had been relatively drama-free and for that, she couldn't be more grateful.

The exhaustion and the discomfort she'd experienced had never overridden the euphoria she felt, the delicious elation that now, she had two beautiful children, one she birthed, the other she did not, but who was a part of her, in every way that mattered. She was blessed and she repeated the phrase to anyone who was within earshot.

"Just us night-owls, huh, baby?" She smiled down at him. The nursery was especially peaceful during the wee hours of the morning, with only the soft glow from the nightlight barely bathing the room. It was her favorite room in the house and whenever she went in, she recalled how much they'd enjoyed decorating it, painting the walls in soft hues of yellows, how excited Lea had been to help them pick out a crib and the wall hangings. The glider was their favorite place and she spent hours there, nursing him, singing every gentle song she knew.