Me & Music (Inglês)

I-"Pilot"

So, you know when you feel alone, but at the same time you’re in a room full of people? Yeah, I know the feeling… My name is Emily and I have 19 years old. I’m going to share with you my story.

So, I used to be a girl that always has a smile on my face, a beautiful word to say when I saw someone crying, and lots of energy to make everyone smiling… Nowadays, It’s not that simple…

I’ve grown up with my parents, and they broke up their marriage about 8 years ago, so I, basically, spent my years of teenager in two different families, which is not so cool… Well, it’s cool in some parts… But in the important ones, sucks!

That aspect of my life changed everything… Include my personality, for a long time I wasn’t myself, I was hurt, and lonely… And I have to say that this feelings are still with me, but now I’m a better liar, not that I like to lie about my feelings, but I rather  hide them than make fool of myself by saying something that I shouldn’t say, now it’s easier to control my emotions.

It’s harder to hide, when you start remember those times, when you’re happy and nobody could put you down, because you are so strong that you wouldn’t even care for the other people opinions! Those memories never die to me, although I blamed myself for everything that happens to us… I don’t know, but I still think that this whole situation is my fault; I feel that inside of my heart. Every time I remember this, my heart says “You are sad, because you know you create this situation” … I couldn’t agree more…

But this situation with my parents wasn’t the only thing that went wrong in my life… You know, I’ve never like the way I look, never was my strong point,  I’m a little chubby, and I’m not really pretty… So all of that contribute somehow to my low self-esteem… In the kindergarten I was bullied because I was different that the others, no one seemed to care about my feelings or the way that I was… They only see the outside… and my outside wasn’t good enough for them.

My life wasn’t easier, but I like to think that I always choose the good moments to make me happy and make the others happy. Because if you’re sad, you don’t make the difference that you wanted to make.

My music has become a huge part in my life since my parents break up, it’s my hideout, my refuge for everything. I wrote my own lyrics, but I only write about what I’m feeling and thinking, like a diary, but a diary in my own way. Something that I use for open my heart and talk about my feelings, like you do with your friends, but with no regrets.

Playing instruments makes you feel free, it’s like no one can affect you, you are the best of the world and nobody can put you down, cause they don’t have the power to do that. Music gives you all the strength that you need to move on, and even more important, to be yourself.

I know it sounds strange but if wasn’t for music, I wasn’t here today.

I’m all about talking of my past, but you will see why, this is when it all started…