Me & Music (Inglês)

III-"The Special Weekend"

So, this weekend I was with Spencer. Don’t know why, but I felt really nervous, maybe it’s because I’ve never had a sleepover before, or maybe it’s just because I’m going to be with her alone all weekend. It’s Stupid, right? I mean, I’m going to be with the person that I love all weekend, but I’m nervous? This doesn’t make any sense…I’m trying to convince myself that it’s ok, that will be fine, but not even my head believes that...

I really love her, in a way that I’ve never would think before I met her, I don’t even knew this kind of feeling. She changed me, my life it’s completely upside down… In the minute I saw her, I knew that she was special, I guess you can say that it’s love at the first time. How can I live with that, or with this? I’m not confused about my feelings for her, I’m confused about telling her how I feel… If I tell her, Am I ruin everything?

All I wanted to do this two days was to tell her about how I feel, but I know, inside of me, that I couldn’t do it, for now… But even with this little problem these days were the best time of my life. I Felt Alive for the first time in my life, cause, before this, I’ve felt alone most of the time, even when I was with people. I know that you probably wouldn’t understand what I’m saying, but believe me, I’m telling the truth. My days were always the same, same routine every day, I was hurt, and I can even find the inspiration to write or listen to music, I dare me to say that she’s my inspiration.

I’m probably repeating myself, but I don’t even find the words to describe my weekend, Probably Perfect, but I think that these two days are beyond that. So I went there on Friday night, right on time for dinner. Do you know that she lives all by herself? Yeah, that’s true, her dad is a military and he spends all the time on the army, but he pays for everything, at least is what she told me… She says that she don’t mind living alone…But I doubt that… I mean, she must felt alone sometimes, maybe not in her heart, but it must be hard sleep on an empty house, without a father, or a mother… Her mom left her when she was little, so she grow up with her father. I recognized that her story is more complicated than mine.

A huge part of me feels sorry for her, I mean she’s got everything, except the love of her parents. Not that I think that her father doesn’t like her, but he spends so much time in the army that he’s barely home… when she told me this, I just wanted to make it better, I wish that she finds company to herself. I thought to offered to stay in her apartment, but then my mom would be alone, so I’m kinda stuck in the middle… It’s like you want to cut yourself in two pieces to be in both sides… Besides, I can’t even tell my mom about me being gay, so how can I tell her that I wanted to live with a girl? Strange doesn’t it? Me, Emily, has afraid of being herself, I can’t even believe that. More I write, more I feel, it’s so hard to admit that I like her, I forget all the other things when I’m with her. My only hope is that she feels the same way as I do for her.

You know when you look around and you feel that everyone is happy and smiling and you feel even worst because you feel in your heart that they are perfectly happy without you, like you don’t make any difference… I felt that way before I met her.

Now, I’m going back on story, I was telling you that my weekend was of limits, can’t explain, I guess that this weekend was so special to me that I feel extremely happy. So, has I said before, I went there on a Friday night, for dinner, she ordered pizza because she was too tired to cook, at least it was what she said. For me even better, I love pizza, but I love her more. We watched a movie with blankets over us and we eat pizza, like it was a scene from a romantic movie. Alright, this is very lame, even for me. But, it was true, I’ve never felt so alive! In that night we only fall asleep about 4am, after the movie, we started talking and talking, about our families, our music, our favorite things etc… I have to say, I’ve never met someone so much alike me like her. It’s amazing how many things we have in common. It was an opportunity to know each other better. For me, the most awkward thing was that we sleep in the same bed, not exactly awkward, but strange… I was really uncomfortable with that, I mean; it was harder to control my emotions.

Saturday was different though, we wake up, it was almost lunch time, so we only have lunch, not breakfast. After lunch, we spent all afternoon in studio, writing songs. It was very cool, you know? Have someone to share my ideas and my melodies. I made a song that I dedicate to her, and she wrote a song dedicate to me, after we recorded both songs. The name of the song she wrote is “You have more friends than you know”(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrbMuwesBUc) and the name of the song I dedicated to her was “Hand on Heart” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3vijeR0ZRs ), I have to say that I’ve no idea what song is the best, but I’m already in love with both. She has an amazing talent, hard to describe, the way she writes, the way she sings… At my eyes she’s perfect.

She made me cry, when I was sing my song for her, she was almost crying, when I finish the song, she told me something that I will never forget. She Said “Thanks Em, it was the most beautiful song that I’ve ever listen, I’m glad that it’s dedicated to me, you are really a special person”. In that moment it was my time to cry, I was really touched by her words. So, it was almost 10pm when we leave the studio. We went to dinner, at home of corse, this time she cooked, and I have to say, it was delicious. Despite her talent on music, she is also very talented in the kitchen.

On Sunday, we went for a walk on a park very close to her apartment, because her dad have returned this morning, so I packed my stuff, and we go for a walk, before I go to my place. It was fun, we played football, one of the other things I love, I used to play on a professional club, but an injury on my knee got me quitting from professional football, anyway, it was a nice trip, I’ve learn lots of things this weekend.

Like I said before, for me, it was the best weekend that I could ever have. I’ve done all the things I love the most, and to complete even more, I’ve spent all weekend with my soul mate, I guess I can call her that…