Secret Love Songs for Lisa | JENLISA

PART 1

Jennie must be dreaming.

It's the only explanation she could think of for what she's looking at. Her heart is pounding against her chest and it's ringing loudly in her ears. She can vaguely register Kuma rubbing his head on her leg as she continues to stare at her computer for what feels like hours now, eyes unblinking and body incredibly tense.

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Jennie continues to stare in shock, her mind racing about the different ways this could have happened. Did she accidentally move this file out of her locked folder? There's no way she could have – She snaps out of her own frantic musings when she hears Kuma's bark float above the chaos going on around her. Her iCloud has been hacked apparently and Jennie cringes at her mistake. She knew she should have just saved it on a flash drive, written it down on paper, fucking used a quill and a scroll if she had to – anything to keep it safe from the grips of the internet.

It's too late now though. It's out there. The one thing she'd kept a secret in the last few months – the one thing that she'd done solely for herself, to help her move on. She figured that if she could let out all of her feelings, every single one that pertains to Lisa that has weighed heavily on her heart in the last five years, in a song or two, she'd be able to move past it. If she could just get these feelings out – she'd be okay.

She never meant for anybody to see it. It was just for her.

With trembling hands and tears clouding her eyes, she clicks on the top trending topic. The top tweet is by Dispatch, the headline reading: Former BLACKPINK Jennie secret romance with her ex-bandmate, Lisa Manoban, exposed! Click on the links for details.

There are various similar headlines from KoreaBoo, Soompi, AllKpop, and just about any kpop news site. The brunette goes through all the links, finally letting out a soft sob when she sees video stills of herself – sat on her bed with music sheets all around her, a guitar perched on her lap as she sings the songs she'd never meant for the world to hear.

There are only five songs in the file. She wrote four of them when she was still in the band when she felt particularly overwhelmed by her feelings for the doe-eyed girl. The last one, she'd written in the following months, when she was the loneliest, she's ever felt.

She recorded herself singing all five songs as a way to get it all out. She never even thought about sending any of the songs to be put on her album – she thinks they're too raw – that one listen and one look at her if she ever has to perform it live, everyone would know right away. She would know instantly. They'd know who the songs are about and they'd get a look into her soul – see how her stubborn heart continues to beat for no one else but for the Thai girl. People would see right through her heart and she wasn't ready for that. She doesn't think she ever will be.

So, she kept her written songs personal, but not enough to truly see the heartache that lay underneath every lyric and every melody. The brunette kept her deepest feelings to herself.

It seems like a lifetime ago since they first met, since the day Jennie figures she willingly handed her heart over to the Thai girl. They had been so young and in love and absolutely naïve to think they would make it – that their love would push through because that's all anyone ever needed, right? Love was the foundation of a relationship and they had loved – they had so much love for one another - so they should have made it.