Vocalization

Vicious Vivity

"Evelynn!" "Oh god, here it goes..." My mum was standing ten feet from us, maybe more and calling me. It was clear she was unhappy, at least it was to me. Whenever she pulled me out of a situation, she wanted to talk. And she was not happy about what I just did. I took Layne's jacket off my shoulders and stood up. "I'll be back in a minute, maybe four, maybe five." With these words, I had to leave my friends alone to talk to my mother like a little child that can be manipulated and taken everywhere, because of its dependence on its parents.

"Yes, mum...", I said sweetly when I approached her. "Evelynn, what are you doing?!", she asked. "Those men are noticeably older than you are. And you are up there flirting with them?!" Her eyes pierced right through me. I was close to falling to my knees. How could I fall this far? How could I be broken like this? "Do you even have any idea how old they are?" "In their late twenties", I approximated. "And how old are you?" "... Twenty-one." "See!? You can't be together. Get away from them, you slut." "They're just friends", I whispered. "Oh, sure. And you think I didn't see you snuggling up to them, acting all cute and innocent. How did I deserve this? An ugly girl that has a vampire complex, loves older men and is unable to get anything done right!" My eyes were pinned to the floor, tears collecting all over them. Words could hurt. And they were stones to my glass. "You need to change! We tried our best to educate you, to make you into a functional human being and all the time you never listened to us! You're a failure! No one is ever going to love you!" "I love myself!", I shouted, like switch being pressed, shooting at her like a bullet. But her skin was of iron. Before I could react, she backlashed, hitting me in the face so hard I stumbled. My whole body started shaking, my knees close to giving out. All I could think of was one thing: Run, Evelynn. I set off in the direction of the stairs, but my mom tried to grab me by my hair that had been styled to unrecognizability. The overdone curls miraculously slipped through her fingers, leaving me to live another day, if I tried. I stumbled up the stairs in my heels, trying my hardest not to fall. "Evelynn!", I heard my mother shouting behind me, but I didn't listen. I ran for my life. This was not my end. The door fell shut behind me like a fortress gate. In a hurry, I looked for the key. Nowhere to be found. Thankfully, I had put wooden blockade on the doorframe. I twisted it around and locked myself in with it. "Evelynn!", I heard a man's voice as he banged against the door. It was my father. Of course, he had been summoned to get me out. Masculine strength would always bring me to my senses. A good hit was always the right thing to do.

Leaving the key I had now found in the lock so my parents would not be able to unlock it, I sat down on my bed, freeing myself from everything they had done to me. I tore off my Dress and kicked off my heels, throwing them against the mirror picturing my horrors. The glass shattered with a loud noise, causing my father to bang against the door even harder, to shout even louder, my mother joining in in a fury. With shaky hands I put on clothes of my own. Unable to close my blouse's buttons on my own, I left them open, the soft fabric now resembling a thin jacket. I was freezing, but could not get my mind straight to think about one thing. I rushed towards the shattered mirror, grabed my hairbrush and brushed out all the curls, all the unnatural things they had done to change me. In the shards still left in the framing, I could see my face, that was slowly becoming visible under the paint, black mascara tears streaming down my face. Grabbing a paper towel, I tried to scrub it all off, but to no avail. The black would disappear, but I looked still, disfigured. Even more than usual. My feet were being pierced by the shards on the floor, bleeding once again. This was a familiar feeling and it made me feel better than whatever this party had been. It threw me back to when it was just them, when I cared about nothing else. The adrenaline going through my veins, the pounding in my feet, all the pain was so much better than this abandonment of humanity. I was losing my sanity. But in this moment, I didn't care. With shaky hands I grabbed one of the shards, falling and stumbling back onto my bed. Slowly but surely, I placed the bladed edge on my skin, letting it sink in, pressing it through and pulling it towards me from my wrist. The bloody red liquid poured down my skin in tiny droplets. What am I doing?, I thought. You're going insane... You're losing yourself over trying to be yourself. Wake up, Eve. Wake up. I broke down on my bed, falling to the side and curling up into a ball, my back turned to the door and my face covered in my blanket.