Vocalization

A Fresh Start

I couldn't believe it was already February 1st. It was a miracle how quickly time could pass. Alas, I wouldn't say I complained. Just yesterday, I had been talking to Geoff about what this would be like, a calm smile resting on my face. I adored his energy, how he could be cheerful, yet calm at the same time. Then there was J, who was a bundle of energy and always happy and doing everything with the greatest motivation one could have. He was easily the most childish out of all of us from an outside perspective, just because he would always get excited over everything. But that was only because I was still trying to be serious. As for what I expected for this new chapter of life beginning now? I didn't know, really. Only a few things were sure: Layne would be playing a lot of video games and I would be keeping the kitchen mostly to myself. Aside from that, of course, the constant teasing between us. How could it be any different?

For all my life, something had been missing. From the day I turned eight years old, I remember this one feeling. Or, more accurately, the lack of it. I was empty. And I knew it. To this day, I still failed to comprehend how I had been able to act such a fuzz in my childhood years. I had been disobedient, a mess at best. My parents had fixed me. But had they really? Just when I had talked to the boys about my family, that was when I had realized that there was a different way. The very fact that they were so upset about them confused me. Yes, they had been harsh, but how would I have ever learned back then if they hadn't? Of course, this had been long overdue these last few years, but that was the reason why I had left.

All of this fell right out of my mind once I saw the white van with the black seats. I felt it again: This new feeling inside. It felt light, jumpy, full of energy. The van had two backseat rows with three seats each if you squeezed together. Which was exactly what we did. I couldn't comprehend how or why, but everything we did as a group inevitably turned to slight chaos, such as picking the seats. Earl persistently wanted the middle seat while Eli got to drive since it was his car. The others, myself included, just kind of clustered around them. But it was not like Earl's wish would just be accepted. Oh no. How would you get that idea? Earl and J spent about fifteen minutes fighting over the backseats while Eli and Geoff watched amusedly from the front and Layne tried to make a good resolution. I couldn't help but smile, watching from the side. After a while, Layne came back. He studied me from above with his hazel-colored eyes, his slightly messy, black hair being whisked around in the wind. I looked up at him like a child looking up at their big brother. "What side are you rooting for?", I asked kindly while squinting my left eye to protect it from the sun, a smile still dancing around my lips. "I dunno, I just want the back seat", he stated calmly, chuckling. "But as long as they're in the way, I can't even get there." I blinked confusedly. "Wait", I began, my mind working like a calculator. "If you want to go in the back anyway, what are they even fighting about?" That moment, Layne broke out into laughter. Just then, I saw how Earl waved at us. J was sitting in the car, on the left seat, obviously disappointed. "I don't think they know either", I added quietly before walking over to the tenor, causing Layne to laugh again. So, we got into the car, Layne right behind me, Earl in the middle seat and the right seat left for me, allowing me to look out the window if I liked. The right backseat was my favorite, even though I hadn't dared mentioning it to not worsen the fight even more. How could they have known? Eli rolled his eyes and turned on the car. Immediately, a bleeping noise sounded, causing him to startle. "Eli, put on your seatbelt!", J sounded mockingly, grinning as always. Eli sighed annoyedly, grabbed the shiny polyester and put it in place, causing the sound to turn off. As the car started rolling, I noticed I was blushing. Not just smiling, but blushing.

Confused as to why, I looked out the window, watching the houses go by. Sometimes, I missed Minnesota. But the houses of Orlando were so much prettier. Was it because of the sun? Because they were always sparkling? Any other reason had to be nonsense, right? That same moment, another thought came to my mind. Somehow, everything seemed nicer when I was with them. When I wasn't an outsider or with people I barely even knew. Then again, I didn't know them that well either. Heck, what was I even doing here? Doubt crawled upon me. They were all boys. Boys! I was the only girl! That moment, I heard Geoff speaking out what had just been on my mind: "Eve, how do you feel about being the only girl?" His calm voice hit me like a wave, the deep vibrations setting my blood in motion. "Who, me?", I asked confusedly, just having fallen off a cloud. "No, that Evelynn", Earl stated jokingly. I stayed silent. He laughed. "Of course, you, Eve! Who else here is called Evelynn?" "Or a girl at all", Eli added, still keeping his eyes on the road. For a few seconds, all was silent except the car and the quiet humming of the radio and all eyes were on me. "I don't know", I sighed, turning back to look out the window. "This is my first time ever doing something like this. And I'm not even a social person. All the other girls my age have been to thousands of sleepover parties of both girls and boys, no question, but I have never. ... I was never invited." My demeanor dropped and the emptiness made way for a feeling of sadness. I had never been this emotional before. Why now? And why already the little things. Before, I had never cared. But now I was just... disappointed... at myself. Disappointed I couldn't be like the others. "Why not?!", Earl asked, a little bit of anger swinging in his voice. "I'm sure you would've been fun to be around." "Oh, you know, I never had any friends. The party guests you saw back then were all just there because I was rich." Suddenly, J raised his voice: "Hey, Eli, turn it up!" "What? Why?" "Come on, just do it!" But before J was even done talking, Geoff had already moved his hand to the radio and turned the volume up. The song became more audible and what sounded was Pentatonix's Can't Hold Us, in all its greatness. Just a few seconds later, J started singing, taking the Baritone part. In a moment's notice, Layne joined in with beatboxing. The others did the background vocals. I soon noticed that there would be a female part in the next verse. This did seem fun, but... They wouldn't... Would they? Oh yes, they did. After having missed the first two lines and getting sad looks from all of them, even Eli through the rearview mirror, I started singing at the next line, in duet with Eli, who grinned when I did. Soon enough, we were copying Pentatonix doing carpool karaoke and... it was fun, really. I found myself constantly smiling, moving from side to side to the rhythm with J and Earl.