Racing Down Sunset Boulevard

Chapter 31

Ari's POV

I woke up to empty sheets, sweat licking down my spine. I can't draw enough air in my chest, and although I know why, I try not to think about it too much. But as soon as I close my eyes, it's vivid as day: a face upturned, lipstick smeared and eyes wide, blood stains on white sneakers. "Nate?" I sound more uncertain than I would've liked to, and I cringe.

After a couple moments and no answer, I call again, this time more urgently. I'm pulling off the covers and slipping into my slippers when the room door opens and Nate steps in. "Hey, I woke up a bit earlier and made you some t-" he stopped, looking at me closely. "Ari, what's wrong?" He seemed worried, but for a second I thought I saw a look of contempt, of anger in his eyes, but then he blinked and his eyes were the same soft green they always were.

"Nothing, it's just that you weren't here when I woke up and..." I trailed off, unsure of what I even wanted to say. I reached out, thumbing the tattoo on his wrist absently. A serpent eating its own tail. An ouroboros, my mind supplied.

"You had the nightmare again, didn't you?" I gave him a nod and accepted the mug of tea he eased into my hands. I took a sip, effectively burning my tongue. I drew in a harsh breath at that, trying to soothe my abused tongue and he chuckled.

I cleared my throat, "What freaks me out is that I feel like a know her, because I feel this pain, this sense of wrongness when I try to pull her face into focus," I lift my arms to abruptly in exasperation, letting them drop to my side after a second as I'd watched Kaylah do a thousand times before.

"Are you sure you're this isn't your mind's way of externalizing your feelings about Kaylah with this?"

I thought about it for a second. It's not like I've never had my feelings projected into real action nightmare, so why couldn't it be the same this time? I internally groaned realising I'd missed an appointment with my psychologist yesterday and wondered if there was any point in even rescheduling it. Or the two before it I couldn't make myself go to either. I shook my head, there was no point to them anyway.

I glanced at Nate and saw him give me the lost puppy look whenever he could tell I was entertaining a conversation in my head he couldn't be a part of.

I gave him a small smile, "Yeah, you're probably right. I'm actually meeting up with Kaylah today, so that might fix it," I got up and made my way to the bathroom.

Before I closed the door behind me, I asked without turning to see his face, "Did the rest ask about me?" I'd slept in, and they were bound to have wondered.

The sigh he gave me before answering was enough to make my stomach drop "Well, Iustin and Caroline did,"

I shut the door and stared at myself in the mirror for a long time.

xxxx

By the time I was in Nate's car, I wasn't sure how I was still keeping it together. You'd think that the people you'd spent almost every day joking around with for over two years would at least have the decency to say a good morning or at least answer to a goodbye.

I should've seen this coming, but after last night I didn't, and it felt like a slap that left my ears ringing. Because while yesterday they'd at least offered some fake sympathy, today all I could see when I looked at Skylar was bitter rage; and so it went with everybody else, because when Skylar does something they follow. Watching Iustin and Caro try to bridge that gap, desperately trying to create some common conversational ground was painful, so I did everyone a favour and asked Nate of we could leave early.