Operation Theudfrid Audley

The Too Long Untitled Part One of a Completely Normal Adventure

How do you start off a story? Some might start it off with a huge mic drop of dialogue like, "The most loved and adored clownfish in the world, Nemo, died earlier today." Others might start off with a huge battle scene and limbs flying everywhere. Then there are the people that start off describing the day, "It was a cold, cloudy day in the city." Or, "The sky was a brilliant blue and puffy white clouds danced across the horizon."

I am sorry--not really but still—to say that I won't be starting off our story like that. There is nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary that happened on the day we were sent out and the beginning of this story won't be that way either. So, without further ado, let me start the story so we can all get on with our lives.

It was a completely normal day in a completely normal town. The sky was completely normal. The sun was completely normal. The weather was completely normal. The grass was completely normal. Everything was just normal. Just like every other day, everyone in the city would burst out of their doors at the same exact time, singing in the same exact key about how perfectly normal their normal lives were. It was perfect. Nothing ever changed and it would stay that way forever. Everyone was happy and lived their normal lives in peace. No one EVER tried to change the norm and throw the entire universe into complete chaos. THE END. IT'S OVER. EVERYONE GO HOME AND GET BACK TO YOUR LIFE.

A good story right? If only it could have actually ended as well as it did, but no. Someone just had to be different. They needed something "exciting" and went on an "adventure" to find this "excitement" that they wanted so badly. Why couldn't he just go to the store when everyone else was going to the store and buy an impulse item? It would have been so much easier to deal with that instead of having to chase him down to give him a talking-to. He just had to leave his house early, start his car, drive on the other side of the road, and leave town. Now we have to step out of our normal to go find him! The nerve of this guy!

ANYWAY, back to the story. So this guy, ugh—even his name is different. I mean, come on! Theudfrid Audley? What kind of name is that? I am almost certain his name used to be Bob or Bill or something of the sort. I am getting off-topic again. Back to the story (again). So Kim decided to up and leave our little slice of normal heaven and our boss, Sargent Charlie, gathered the troops to break the news normally.

"Well troops," Sargent Charlie said in a normal voice with a normal expression, "I have to choose some of you to chase down this abnormal being." It was at this point that many people started mumbling normally to one another about the poor souls that would have to go after him. "Luckily for you, I have already chosen the ones who are to go so no one else has to suffer the abnormality of trying to convince me not to choose you." There was a single, unified sigh of relief followed by a small chuckle. "The chosen are the following: Bob, Jim, David, Pete, Ben, Bill, Jack, Garry, James, and John."

I assume at this point you have narrowed me down to one of these ten poor unfortunate souls, and you would be correct. Let me introduce myself. My name is Jack. We have no last names in our city because most of the last names our ancestors had were nearly impossible to pronounce, so they got rid of everyone's last names. If any two people have the same name (which has never happened before...notice the sarcasm) then the people would get numbers with their names such as Bob 1, Bob 2, and Jill 1, Jill 2. The Bob in our group is actually Bob 476892301. Bob is a very normal name and parents love it. My technical name is Jack 9872075. We all have large numbers behind our name but when we are in a group that doesn't have multiple people with the same name, then we just use our names. I think that is why the Sargent chose us. We are the only ten people in the entire troop that doesn't have a second person with the same name. All he had to do was say our name and be done with it. He didn't have to mess with the numbers or anything.