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Chapter Twenty-Six

Zach

Torture would have been so much better then this...

Trying to avoid Natalie was like trying to escape my shadow.

She was everywhere and I had to hide to get away from her. Which wasn't exactly as easy as it sounded.

Mike was confused at first but he slowly caught on with out have in to be told.

I could tell Quinn wanted to ask what was wrong, but she kept quiet as well.

I kept getting messages and voice mail on my phone but I didn't read or listen to the. I didn't even look at my phone really... I knew they were from natalie, I just... I could take seeing her name.

How pathetic was I? The baseball star in college...and i couldn't take seeing the name of a girl who had rejected me. I was indeed pathetic.

I stayed out of most places I knew natalie would be. I asked for note from English. I didn't eat at the cafeteria. And if she came over to the house at all I was conveniently at Mikes.

I didn't know how long I could manage to keep doing this. Keep avoiding her like I was, but i was going to try till it just became routine.

I ran somewhere else in the mornings so I wouldn't get distracted by her if she showed up. I realized then just how much we'd been together lately....

I hadn't left this lonely for a while and it had been thanks to Natalie. Her presence in my life had been much stronger then I realized. They way she had cheered me up, kept me going... But now? Now it just didn't seem like there was much to keep going for.

I kept this whole act up for at least four days....I wasn't really paying attention. I was just living the motions by that time.

It was just before practice and I was about to head into the locker room when two hands grabbed the front of my shirt and halled be to the coaches office that was just around the corner. Couch was already out on the field waiting for us, so her office was empty. I was so shocked that I didn't even bother to see who was dragging me.
She pushed me in and shut the door behind and locked it.

It was finally then that I realized it was Natalie. She stood with her arms crossed as if she was going to yell at me but nothing came. She just stood there starting at me, like I did to her.

The silence was too long and too quiet, I needed to say something before the silence drowned us all together.

"Natalie... Look I-"

"Zach stop." She cut me off. "I need you to hear me out." Natalie said, slowly walking towards me.

"Did you read this?" She asked, holding out one of the letters that Max had written her.

I shook my head. "No, " I stuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "I didn't read any of them."

Natalie nodded slowly and stepped forward again. She was right in front of me, literally backing me into a corner. "So you have no idea what this says?"

"Didn't I just say I haven't read them? Of course I don't know what it says." I couldn't bring myself to keep looking at her it was like some invisible force was forcing my head down.

"Zach..... Look at me, please..." She spoke so softly I wasn't sure if I actually hear her or not.

"I can't Natalie." I shook my head.

"Why not?" She tried to step closer so I would have to look at her, but I closed my eyes. "Zach, really? Stop being so childish." I could hear the amusement in her voice. It was like another knife being stabbed into my tattered heart.

"I can't keep torturing myself Natalie, please, just... Leave me alone." I couldn't open my eyes to try and push her aside, that was too much of a risk.

"Torturing yourself? Over what Zach?"

Was so insignificant that she couldn't see feelings? Or did she just have her blinders on and not care. I opened my mouth to tell her to never mind to just go away. "I love you, Natalie." It slipped out and I didn't even know it, till it was too late to take back.

Natalie was silent and I knew I had messed up again. So I waited for the outburst. I waited for her to tell me to shut up Zach. For her to tell me that I don't have the right to say that.

"I know.."

I opened my eyes and looked at her in surprised and confusion.

She was looking down at the ground now, messing with the hem of her Shirt.

"You-you know?" I choked out. What was that supposed to mean? And why was she so nervous? Was she worried about me trying to kiss her again? Well I would. Not after how badly it turned out last time.

"Yes. And..... And I'm sorry for what I said to you, Zach..i- I was angry and confused and it was just easier to throw the blame at you instead of actually understand what I was feeling." She spoke softly and it confused me.

"I just... I don't understand why you never told me." Natalie finally looked up at me and she looked so small just then. But she was so beautiful. With that confused look in her eyes, and the worried expression she was trying to keep off her face. That wasn't exactly working though...

I shook my head. "Why would I? You loved my brother... And he loved you.. I couldn't hold a candle to what Max could give you... He was going places, Natalie. He was going to take you on the adventures you wanted. How could I have possibly tried to get between you to? When all's I have is a love for baseball and an attitude for never wanting to grow up.." My words hurt as they came out. They were the truth, but it still hurt to admit it. "I wasn't good enough for you Natalie. And it was selfish to think anything else... But Max.... Max was. He was everything you could have asked for and I would t take that away from you."

I looked away from Natalie, I didn't know how she was going to respond but I didn't want to see the look on her face. I didn't want to know if she'd push me away again, at least not just yet. I waited for her to say something. Anything but nothing Came. Carfully... I looked up only to see Natalie crying. Why was she crying. What had i done?

Natalie's hand shook as she tried to wipe her eyes and hand be the letter that I had been starring at in my room
For so long.

"J-just r-read it-t." Natalie choked out.

I nodded and took the letter from her. It felt weird reading this, but as my eyes scanned over the letter I started to understand. I looked up at Natalie and carefully reached out to wipe the test streak away.

Natalie smiled at me through tears, "Zach...I read that, and I let go. I...I didn't realize that you felt the way you did. Or, the way you do feel now. Hopefully you Still feel like that. But I reAlized that...I want to be with you. And if I lost that chance and missed out on that opportunity, I'll understand. But I'll never forgive myself."

My heart skipped a beat. It skipped two beats. She? "You... You.." I was stuttering over my words and i couldn't get anything out.

Natalie laughed. "Yes I want to be with you, Zach.." She smiled up at him.

I shook my head not sure if this was real or if I was that desperate to dream this up. But i didn't exactly care as a smile spread Accrossed my face. "Really?"

"Really."