Before trauma club on Tuesday, Ophelia opens the door into the trauma club room, Ms. Torres wiping off the white board with an eraser.
"Hi, Ms. Torres," Ophelia greets her, shutting the door. She only took one Xanax this morning, enough to mellow her out for the day but not enough to make her pass out in the library again.
Ophelia doesn't like to put herself in the same category as pill-popping kids in after-school specials because her case is different. She went through something so traumatic that it's so unspeakable, she refused to do anything about it until recently. She can hold as many victim rallies as she wants but deep down, when there are no drugs in her system, she knows that it's not helping her as much as she would like to admit. Standing with a group of victims by her side should do something, it should make her feel stronger and less alone. But it quite honestly does the opposite.
"Hi, Ophelia," Ms. Torres says, glancing over her shoulder. "You're looking more alive today."
Ophelia flinches. "Yeah, I've been super tired lately."
"Is everything okay at home?" Ms. Torres sets the eraser down on the tray under the board, giving Ophelia her full attention. "Are your parents giving you a hard time about Brett, still?"
"Actually, they're doing quite the opposite," she answers honestly. "We don't even talk about that because it's easier to ignore that I ever said anything than to constantly bring it up. I should've known saying something to them would've have done anything."
"Don't say that," Ms. Torres tells her. "It did do something. It got you in touch with how you actually feel about it. Even though they aren't being supportive right now, doesn't mean it was a waste of your breath, and doesn't mean that they might actually come around to lending an ear. Parents are stupid."
Ophelia smiles at the words because she has never related to anything this lady has said so much. She fiddles with the books she's hugging close to her chest. "Actually, I did want to speak with you about Brett."
Ophelia has thought about this for over a week, anticipating actually going through with it but a lot of her is scared. Seeing his apartment the other day in New York was interesting, and not in a terrible way. She was too chicken shit to go in there and remind him of what he did but another part of her was urging her to go inside, to expose him for the monster he is. The more she thinks about it, the more she believes it might actually help and put this thing to rest. Ms. Torres is right. Saying those words aloud to her and her parents kind of made the denying part of her mind literally accept what happened to her.
"I want to talk to him," Ophelia reveals bravely.
Ms. Torres blinks at her three times before responding. "Uh, are you sure that's a good idea?"
"I've been thinking about it for awhile now and I'm ready," she explains. "I feel like I'm just sitting around letting him get away with it and it's making me sick to my stomach every day he's able to walk around with no repercussions. It's not fair."
"Here, sweetie, sit down." Ms. Torres gestures for her to sit in one of the open chairs of the classroom, joining her in the one next to it. "I know that you have a lot of emotions going on right now about this but I don't think visiting him physically is a good idea."
Ophelia furrows her brow. "What, do you expect me to email him my feelings? Because I'm not doing that. I want him to look at me and see the way he made me feel."
"He's dangerous."
"Yeah, well so am I," Ophelia challenges. "I'll meet with him in public, I don't care."
She's growing more and more angry at Ms. Torres. How can she sit here and tell her that she shouldn't speak with him? Shouldn't she be trying her best to help Ophelia through this? She doesn't have either of her parents on her side so Ms. Torres should be stepping up her guidance counselor game and offering to drive to Brett's apartment with her or something.
"I just want to make sure that you feel confident enough to see him," Ms. Torres explains. "I know sitting here in this classroom with me and talking about it seems like a good idea now but when you're actually face-to-face with him, you may act differently." She pauses. "Victims of assault like this tend to freeze in front of their abusers and a lot of the time, those abusers take that for granted and move in on them again."
"I have a friend coming with me." Ophelia thinks of Octavia. Octavia knows what she's going through, as she's been through something similar, Ophelia has gathered. And she seems like enough of a hard ass to take care of business if things get out of hand.
"Well you also have an adult going, too." Ms. Torres takes in a breath and reaches out to put her hand on Ophelia's knee. "I'm not going to tell you how to deal with this. But I can help and support any way I know how."
And for that, Ophelia is thankful.
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Happily Unhappy: Season 1
Novela JuvenilTroubled teenagers join a trauma club at their school to deal with their past and present demons.