Know My Pain.

1. The Truth

I remember it like as if it was happening right in front of my eyes right now. The way he pushed me down, gripped my hair and made my back bend over the bath.
The sweat that covered him and the way he wouldn't let go of my arm leaving a bruise that would last at least a week.

It was her fault. If she wasn't off her head drunk she could've warned me, she could've told me...
It was my first party, how did this happen? Why? I never asked for it but it came anyway. She didn't tell me the rules, all I wanted...was to go to the bathroom.

I hate her. I. Hate. Her. How could she? I was only there for her, I didn't even want to leave her house, I only went because I knew if I left her on her own she'd do something stupid.

I've never told anyone what happened, I kept my mouth shut and just waited. It felt like I was always waiting...
I'm going to tell you how I survived, barely. I only hope that you don't judge me.
You'll learn the truth that I've hidden for 3 years.

•°•°•

I don't even know where to begin, should I start with the first memory? Should I skip ahead? I guess for you to fully understand I should start from the first act that burned my innocence.
Now I don't know for sure If this really happened but I am like 60% certain it did,

I was only a little kid, I went to visit my dad every week on the weekends and sometimes on those visits I'd go to my grandparent's house.
I only really remember Nanny Dawn but I'd go out into the garden and catch frogs, my uncle had pet rats and my auntie had a pet turtle!
But it was my Grandad that I couldn't remember...

Maybe it was just my imagination but I don't know, all I know is one day I'd been left home with my grandad for a few hours.
I can't remember what he said but I knew what he was talking about, he did something to me. I'm sure he did...
After that day I was terrified of him, even now, I'm terrified.

I pray it was just a nightmare, I could never tell anyone especially not my dad...his family is all I have left in the world since Krystal, my mother's side pretty much threw me out of their lives.
That was the start of the long line, most I don't have any control over.

I have to go now, I'll be back to fill you in on the details and what happened after that...
Bye!

                                                ~ C.U.