𝔗𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔖𝔦𝔵𝔱𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔜𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰 (WangXian)

YEAR THREE: I Should Have Had...

It had been two years and a half since Lan Wangji was bedridden. But near the end of the third year, with proper care from his brother and A-Yuan, his injury had started to make good progress in healing. The scars were no longer crimson but dark brown with dry skin as the tissues were trying to sew themselves back together. And for the past few months, he found himself able to pace around Jingshi without much of a struggle besides heavy breathing.

Today, just like yesterday, and the same as the day before, Wangji sat up on his bed and stared blankly out the window that A-Yuan had opened for him before leaving to bring the half-eaten tray of food back to the kitchen. With the blossoms of all the flowers in Cloud Recess that blew in the aroma of the floral scent through his open window, Lan Wangji decided to give the recently healed body of his some fresh air and sunlight.

Looking to his left, he saw a long wooden crutch, which he had been using it every day to support his walk, was left inclining to the edge of the bed. Lying there next to it was his Bichen; perfectly clean despite never had been put to use for quite a while. Lan Wangji somehow had developed a feeling of dejection whenever he caught a glimpse of that sword. The very object that determined his status as Hanguang-Jun; the one who was admired as the light appearing in chaos. Yet that very status contradicted his mind for he found himself was engulfed in the darkest of darkness. How could he be the light for others when he couldn't even be the light for himself?

He felt so ashamed to even pick Bichen up because that spiritual sword was one of the things he used to ward off the dark energy in this world. But how would the sword feel when its owner no longer in the right mind to uphold this principle? How would it react when it realized that the owner had already fallen so deep to the wrong path? The path that he had chosen. The path that had him there. Yilling Patriarch. Wei Wuxian. No, Wei Ying.

His Wei Ying.

He had fallen for the person who practiced the very thing he was taught to eradicate. Fallen so deep to the point that he disobeyed his uncle, his own clan and chose to side with that person instead. Would he still be worthy of Bichen?

His mind was a mess, and so was his heart. The logical Lan Wangji could no longer think straight for the matter of his heart seemed to outweigh the matter of his brain. He felt so suffocated that he just wanted to let it all go. Let his soul roamed free from his body. Let it walked pass death door to the other side of freedom where he was longer bound by righteous teaching and household rules. Could he? Well, should he?

"No, you can't. A-Yuan needs you. I need you. We need you!"

Lan Wangji was surprised at the voice he had heard. The familiar voice sounded distant yet so close. He looked around only to find no one but the cold bedsheet accompanying him, so he assumed that he must be hearing things. But it was one good thing because the name A-Yuan brought him back from the sorrow. It was true that the boy needed him. In Cloud Recess, besides his brother and him, no one considered the boy human at all. Lan Wangji couldn't understand how people could be so cruel to pick on the adorable and innocent boy like A-Yuan. But whatever the case, he committed to protect this boy. He would make sure this boy lived his life filled with indelible, happy memories; the very thing that he didn't have back when he was a child.

Lan Wangji was relieved that he had informed his brother about A-Yuan's bullying the other day. Ever since then, the bruises on A-Yuan's body decreased, whereas the smile on his face increased. Every day after he fulfilled his duty, he would ask Lan Wangji to go play outside. Wangji was surprised at the request since A-Yuan rarely had any friends to play with. But when he asked about it, the boy gleefully explained that he just befriended a boy named Jingyi. Though Wangji had never met this young friend, he inwardly thanks him for making his A-Yuan smiled once again.

The sound of birds chirping and leave rustling made Wangji broke away from his deep thought. Picking up the clutch, Wangji glanced at his Bichen one last time before turning his back on it and walked out of Jingshi. The moment his feet stepped out of the threshold, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, savoring the fresh air that had been absent from every inch of his sweat glands for years.

He knew the grounded period of three years was still valid, but the rules only forbad him from leaving Cloud Recess' ground. Therefore, as long as he was still within the sect's territory, he wasn't breaking the rule at all.

The beginning of spring garnished the ground and trees with a fusion of green and various bright-colored flowers, creating breathtakingly sights to behold. Lan Wangji would have stopped to admire its beauty just like every year back then if his heart wasn't too engraved with the absence of someone. So, despite the scenery, he slowly moved his feet and traipsed aimlessly forwards.

After half an hour of walking that should have been taken only fifteen minutes, Lan Wangji saw a big tree, with red-mingled-white flowers on full bloom on each of the branches, on top of the hill not so far away. He headed towards it and support himself with his hand on the tree's bulk, catching his breath. Just then, he heard a sound of commotion from the slope down below which made him turn to look at the situation.

Seven kids were playing down there; six of which he didn't really know who except for the fact they were Lan's people given the white robes and headbands. They were standing in two groups, with six to two. And in the group of two, he recognized one boy so well even though he was looking down at his feet, blocking his face from view.

It was A-Yuan.

"Jingyi, why did you side with him?" asked the one who seemed to be the oldest amongst the group of five.

"He's my friend, that's why." The boy in white stood in front of A-Yuan protectively with his arms akimbo and glared at the others.

"Friends? You decided to befriend a boy with an ambiguous origin rather than us, the ones who are the rightful Lan's like you?" asked another boy who stood at the left end.

"So, what? There's no rule stating that we can't befriend someone who isn't a Lan. Besides, as far as I see, A-Yuan is more decent than you all who claim to be the Lans yet are acting like spoiled kids."

"What did you say?" the oldest boy stepped forwards and eyed Jingyi with anger. However, Jingyi wasn't even threatened by it for he stood firmly on his ground.

"I don't like repeating myself. But let me tell you this one and for all. From now on, if any of you dare to hurt A-Yuan, I'll not tolerate it. If I find a single strand of his hair missing, then I'll make sure to shave all of your hair until you go bold. Got it?"

"You dare?" the oldest boy asked through gritted teeth.

"Why not? I've never been bound by rules here and you know that. Even if I break some rules, after a handstand or kneeling, then it's done. I'm an orphan so no one will punish me besides the Sect leader. But for you all who have decent parents, I'm not sure if your punishments will be just one round like mine."

Jingyi's words seemed to crumble down the oldest boy's arrogance for he staggered a few steps backward with a nervous look on his face. "You and that scrounger better watch out. It won't just end like this." After throwing a dead glare at both Jingyi and A-Yuan, the boy and his friends walked away.

Seeing how Jingyi protected A-Yuan, Lan Wangji felt a twinge in his heart. A throbbing pain. Or rather, a wave of guilt.

I should have had done what Jingyi is doing right now. Standing there by his side. Protecting him. Standing up to those who bullied him. But...I didn't... As Wangji was reprimanding himself, a single tear escaped from his left eye and trickled down his snowy cheek. Though his face was indifferent, no one knew the regret and hurt behind that solemn countenance. Well, nobody, except one. The very person who was invisibly standing next to him.

"Lan Zhan, you're blaming yourself aren't you?" Wei Ying turned sadly towards Wangji. "Don't. You've done your best back then. I was just too stubborn and arrogant to listen to you. Stop crying, okay?"

Strangely, Wangji felt his tear had been wept because it dissipated before it even reached his chin. He knew someone was wiping it for him. But who could it be when no one was standing within his five-meters radius at all?

Who?