Redefine Me

Chapter 1 - What you broke down, I'll build back up

Stepping rhythmically to the sound of "comeback kid"  by against the current streaming through my earphones, I pulled the strap of my backpack tighter against the one shoulder it was slung over as I made my way down the grey concrete streets of London. If it weren't for the busy commuters bustling past, I could've made this journey with my eyes closed and let my feet guide me straight to the bus stop, I'd done it so many times.

You see, I liked walking to the bus stop almost a mile away from school even though there was one just a 5 minute walk away.

This was for a number of reasons, the first being that I couldn't handle the looks people from my school gave me if I had to get on the same bus as them, I can't quite put my finger on it but their scrutinising eyes are just too much to handle.

The second reason was because I liked to walk, it helped me to clear my mind after a long day of school; don't get me wrong, I don't hate school, but that doesn't mean I look forward to it often either.

What this diversion did manage to do however, was make sure most of the people from my year had already gotten on an earlier bus or even gotten off by the time I arrived to the stop I got on at.

It was currently late October and finally, the first autumnal changes had begun to happen; leaves rusted and eventually fell, days started getting shorter and the warm summer breezes began morphing into cooler chills that ran through my spine every so often.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and mindlessly traced a pattern on the rough paving with the toe of my black leather converse; yes, I did have a school uniform but I pushed the boundaries as far as I could, hence categorising these as "black leather shoes", knowing no one could protest in response.

I unrolled the sleeves of my white button down shirt and black V-neck jumper that covered it as the air became colder and contemplated whether or not to put on my black blazer which had the school logo crested on the top pocket which currently hung over my forearm.

Before I could finish this internal debate with myself, a red bus peaked round the corner and I found myself pulling my oyster card out of the pocket of my black jeans (yet another amendment I'd made to the uniform code stating mandatory "black trousers") and held my arm out signalling the bus to a halt a few feet down the street.

I boarded the bus, scanned my card and waited for the multiple beeps before heading up the stairs to find a satisfyingly empty deck. I sat down a few rows from the front, placing my bag beside me.

The cold meant the windows had lightly fogged over so I used the back of my middle and index fingers to wipe a peephole through the windows. Slowly, the streets and stops rolled by, just like they did everyday.

Every single day, like clockwork, the world carried on as normal, not bothering with the petty issues involving the people who filled it; if I didn't arrive at the bus stop in time,  the buses would still run, if I didn't wake up in the morning, the sun would still rise.

It's strangle how when one person's world decides to be flipped upside down or stops turning altogether, we can always rely on the real world to keep on functioning just like it had been.

No matter how unstable my life had been, the world kept spinning and no matter how many times I had given up on other people,  on myself, I knew I could count on it to continue to move forward even if I felt I couldn't.

A few people boarded and scattered across the top deck of the bus, but they weren't noisy so I didn't mind.

The windows had fogged over again so I wiped a small hole again to reveal my stop approaching in the distance. 

I rang the bell and cautiously made my way down the staircase, quietly stepping off of the bus. I lived no more than a two minute walk down the road from here. The air had become a lot colder and I made a point to buy a pair of gloves as my fingers became numb trying to swipe my phone screen to turn off my music and then wrapped the cord of my earphones around it. 

Even though life carried on the same way everyday now, it was nice to have some order. If that's what it took to keep myself from getting broken down again, I'd live in the same old, formulaic routine for the rest of my days;

I just don't think I can take another one of life's cruel knocks, not again.

AN:// okay this is the first story I've ever had the courage to post on here, I would love some feed back on this. If you read this,  thanks for taking the time to read it!