beautiful mess - kth

ONE

I miss you more everyday. The pain won't go away no matter how much time passes. I still wonder how I wronged you. I still love you.

+++

You opened your eyes, being welcomed by nothing but loneliness. It's a cold, empty feeling that for the past year has not left your presence. Every night all you do is re experience your torturous memories of him. Even after a year you haven't able to let go. Sometimes you wonder if you're ever able to let him go at all. For now the answer would be no. There's too much history to move on from. Too many feelings you're unable to forget.

You can still remember the days when everything was still perfect. When you were both happy to be with each other. The days where you smiled together, laughed together. Those days didn't last long after he met her. It started with him being late to your dates. Him arriving home late. Him hiding his phone from you whenever he got a text or walking out of the room when he got a call. It quickly became very suspicious to you. But every time you asked him if something was wrong or if he wasn't happy he of course acted like nothing was going on.

You always wondered why he didn't just end it when it was so clear that he fell out of love with you. Why would he go through the trouble of keeping not one but two girls by his side? He probably just felt bad for you, pitied you. How nice it was to be a full blown charity case. You still remembered the day it all ended for you. You remembered every single part of it.

//flashback

Taehyung knocked on your door. You called and asked him to come to your place because you had a surprise for him. You've dreaded this moment for 2 months now. 2 months ago you found out about her. 2 months ago you found out that you were no longer number 1 in Taehyungs eyes. 2 months ago you found out that you didn't matter anymore, that someone else had taken your place already. And now you were finally ready. Ready to accept all of this. To accept you're no longer his, to accept he fell out of love with you and to accept that it's been over for a long time.

You answered the door, smiling at the one who used to be yours. He smiled back and greeted you. You could notice that his smile wasn't the same, but you already knew it hasn't been the same since he met her. She was all that mattered now, and that's exactly the reason why you had to be the bigger person now.

"I've missed you, what's the surprise?" He said. Of course, he 'missed' you. "Sit down." You answered. He took a seat on your couch and you sat next to him. You had to restrain your feelings from taking over, all you could think about right now is how much you were going to regret this decision. But you had to. You owed it to yourself to do this.

"Can I ask you a question?" You asked him. "Of course, what is it?" He replied. You sighed and turned your body 90 degrees to face him completely. You looked down at first but you promised to prove to yourself that you weren't scared, that you could handle this. So you looked him in the eyes. Those beautiful, enchanting brown eyes. "Do you love me?" You asked him, smiling. He furrowed his brows before answering. "Yes, why wouldn't I?" He replied. Your smile faded quickly, which made him even more confused than he already was. "Why? What's wrong, Y/n?" He asked. You looked down and your hands. How could he do this to you? "You just lied to me." You said. You looked him in the eyes again. You could see he felt attacked, maybe even offended by your sudden accusation. "What? What the hell do you mean, Y/n?" He replied angrily. "You always lie to me, Taehyung. You've done nothing but lie to me for the past months." You answered. You kept your calm, making sure not to shout. This was never supposed to end into an argument.

"What's gotten into you?!" He started shouting now. This is exactly what you were afraid of. Him playing the victim. Him playing the sweet and innocent Taehyung that you always thought he was. "I know about Nayeon. And I've known about her for months now." You answered calmly. His eyes widened and his lips parted in shock. "You must really think I'm idiot seeing your reaction." You said. "Did you really think I wasn't going to find out?" He wanted to speak but the words got stuck in his throat. "Y/n, I-" "Why didn't you just end it with me already?" You cut him off. "Why did you want to keep me when it was so obvious that someone else was on your mind?" You said. "I didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't do it, Y/n, please-" "You didn't want to hurt me? What do you expect, Taehyung?" You cut him off again. He was in no position to clear his name now. It was your turn to talk today, your turn to make the decisions.

"Do you really think that you can cheat on me without hurting me? Without making me hate myself? Without having me wonder every single fucking night when you stopped loving me?" You shouted without even realizing it. "I'm sorry," was all he could say. "I should've told you and I'm sorry." He continued. "What we have is- was, beautiful. And I'm sorry I fucked it up." You calmed yourself after he said this. He took your hands, making sure to do it very gently. The mere feeling of his fingers entwined with yours started the tears. First it was just one which rolled down your cheek, but soon there seemed to be thousands. You looked up to him, seeing him softly smiling before taking you in his arms. It hurt so much to know this probably was the last time you were in his arms. You just kept crying, cursing him in your mind but you were too broken to say it out loud. "I'm so sorry, Y/n. This never should've happened." He whispered next to your ear. You loved his voice. You loved everything. You loved him. "I love you." You whispered while sobbing. "I love you and I don't think I can ever stop." Your cries became louder with every word you spoke. "I'm sorry, please don't cry." He answered. The one thing you did notice was how this was the first time he didn't say it back anymore. Why did you do this to me, Taehyung..?

//flashback end

You cried yourself to sleep for weeks after that moment. You isolated yourself from the world so you could feel bad for yourself all alone. But you got over it, or so you say. Now you haven't seen him in months. How many has it been- 6, maybe? You still missed him. No one has compared to him. No one will.

+++

"Hey, beautiful." Jungkook said. You turned around, smiling. He gave you a weird look. "I wasn't talking about you, look at her!" He was holding the little white kitten who just came in for a checkup. You laughed, a little embarrassed since you thought he was talking about you.

A lot has happened in a year. Your life completely changed, but it's for the better. You graduated from university with a degree in veterinary education. You even landed yourself a job as a vet, and a boyfriend. Jungkook was one of the employees at the shelter behind the clinic. He was perfect with the animals. If it were up to him he was going to adopt every single one of them.

"Oh my god, give her to me already!" You laughed. Jungkook was sweet, he made you laugh and that's all that matters. You two were dating for a while before making your relationship official. Sometimes you wonder what Taehyung would think now that you have someone else. But then you slap yourself mentally for even thinking about him in the first place. You were over him, you had to be, you had Jungkook now. Taehyung was in the past. He didn't matter anymore, he moved on and so should you.

+++

It was 8pm. You'd been working late doing some paperwork that was behind. Jungkook kept you company but left about half an hour ago. You were so tired from sitting behind this computer for hours that you could jump from happiness when you finally caught up with all the paperwork. You were about to head home when there was a knock on the door. You already closed the clinic so it was unusual for someone to be here now. Maybe it was a coworker who forgot something? You hadn't seen any of their stuff lying around though. You got up from your chair and walked to the front door. You turned the key and opened it being welcomed by the night sky, rain and the face of someone you hoped never to see again.

"I'm sorry for coming this late but I found this puppy all alone on the side of the road and he looked hurt and-" He spoke. "Y/n?" As soon as you looked up to meet his eyes you wish you hadn't. All of the memories. All of the pain. It all came back. You couldn't remember how to speak anymore.

It was Taehyung holding a fluffy brown dog in his arms, eyes wide and hair soaked from the rain.