SVU One Shots and Imagines

Barba (1): Tender

(No Prompt)

(Apx. 1300 words. Angst, tenderness, fighting. This one is pretty short, my apologies; most will be longer unless requested to be short)

Rafael Barba-- your significant other-- was shutting himself off from you again. Why you ever decided to put up with him was something that you were understanding less and less as the days went on. The long hours alone. The endless quiet. There was seldom a moment for the two of you. Not from the beginning and certainly not now.

So, you decided it was time for a little break so you could think for yourself; so you could contemplate whether or not things were going to work out between the two of you. Did you tell him you were going to leave the apartment, his apartment, to stay with someone else for a while? Well, no. The two of you hadn't been doing much talking as of late. You packed your toothbrush, hairbrush, and a few other essentials before you crashed at a good friend's apartment in the next suburb over.

It was an awful feeling, being alone. Sleeping on that couch in that other apartment. Despite all the tensions between you and Rafael, falling asleep next to his warm body, or at least waking up and knowing he had been there at some point, had been a source of comfort. You dearly loved your friend, and she made sure to help keep you as comforted as she could, but it just wasn't the same.

Your phone had gone off very few times over the next several days. Spam and other friends, mostly, but after nearly two weeks, a message came through from non other than your silent partner. It was a simple "Where are you" but it made your stomach drop and your heart jump into your throat. You stared at the screen until it turned dark and you caught your reflection. Red eyes. Puffy cheeks. Unkempt hair.

You swiped the message away, not bothering to mark it as read, and decided to clean yourself up. You took a nice long shower and relaxed as you let the pressure from the shower head beat like a massage on your back and shoulders. There were moments even then that you wished he was in there with you, that it was his hands at your back rather than the water.

As you stepped onto the rug, your hair dripping down your back and onto the floor, you picked your phone up from the sink counter. There were more messages from him. He kept asking where you were, what you were doing, who you were with, why you weren't answering him. Missed call. Missed call. Another missed call. All of which you decided to ignore.

After dressing in your midnight best (an oversized shirt and soft shorts), you sat back on the couch, only to be interrupted by a loud, persistent knock at the door. Your friend had the night shift, so she was most definitely not home yet, and you hadn't told anyone else you were there. You slipped the chain lock into the slot and opened the door as much as the chain would allow. On the other side was a disheveled Rafael Barba. His hair was a mess. He was breathing heavily and his clothes were distressed. The moment your eyes met, he pressed himself closer to the door.

"Let me in."

"Rafael, please, this isn't a good time-"

"Let me in now. We need to talk."

You pushed the door closed and put your hands on the deadbolt, but decided to slide out the chain and open the door instead.

Rafael wasted no time in letting himself in, walking right past you and pacing in the open room.

"What, you don't answer your phone anymore?" he asked, pulling out his own phone and waving it in the air a little.

"I was in the shower, I couldn't-"

"Really, the shower. You were in the shower this whole time." He turned to look at you, his breathing short and aggravated.

"It's a very nice shower," you responded, walking past him and sitting on the couch.

"This isn't funny! You could have been dead or abducted for all I knew!"

"And it took you this long to decide you needed to care? I'm glad I'm so high up on your priority list!"

Rafael let out a curt laugh. "Right. Because I pay attention to my job, it makes you the victim here. You think it's easy for me? All the time and energy I have to put into my job-"

"Well, I wouldn't know considering you never talk to me!"

"What do you want to talk about? 'The defendant raped five women in their apartments at gunpoint and he might not get charged, pass the gravy'?"

You stood up, grabbed a pillow, and threw it at him with tears pricking your eyes.

"Damn it, Rafael, anything is better that pushing me away!"

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do! You're always at work where I can't talk to you, and when you come home, you're never really there! You don't talk to me at all! No hello, no nothing!"

He stared at you and you could feel yourself getting more worked up, so you just let it start pouring out.

"You come in, you grab a beer, you drink it, and you sleep! I don't care if you don't ask me about my day, I really don't, but I want to be a part of your life! I want you to let me in and I want you to let me be there to ease your burdens, not act like I contribute to them! But I guess, if it took you two weeks to notice I was even gone, then I don't really matter to you at all, do I?"

"Two weeks? It hasn't been..." He paused, trying to think back to the last time he really noticed you were there with him in the apartment.

"It has been two weeks, Rafael. Two weeks. Two weeks and you really didn't notice. Typical." You sat back on the couch and breathed out a sigh, resting your head on your hands. "Rafael, I can't do this. I can't- it might be selfish of me, but I can't be around you if all we do is argue with each other or don't talk at all. I just can't do it."

"Please, just... Just listen to me, okay?" He sank down onto the couch next to you and slid his hands into yours and pulling them closer. "I know I spend a lot of time at work. I know this is hard for you, and I'm sorry. I didn't realize... I never meant to make you feel that way. Please don't just give up on us. Please. Let me try to rely on you more. Let me let you in this time."

He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb gently, barely brushing his skin against yours, and he leaned in closer. His head rested between your neck and shoulder as he took a deep breath in.

"I know it is difficult, but I don't want to lose you. Let me try again."

It felt nice to have him right there next to you like the way it was when you first got together. To have him there just touching you in little ways. You could feel his warm breath against your neck and you could feel his hands almost trembling around yours. You could already feel yourself melting into him.

"Rafi..."

You pressed a gentle kiss to his head and started playing with his hair. You could feel his body relaxing into yours and you looped his hair through your fingers ever so delicately until the both of you fell asleep, his weight on top of you and your heartbeat in his ears.