So starting off with the time this guy texted me and I replied him after a week. Yet amazingly this guy replied me back and that’s where it all begin. From October 13th I started talking to him on snapchat and eventually it went to instagram which led to calls and an unexpected closeness. During the time of knowing each other and the ‘talking stage’ there was already a mess that was created by myself I accept which was my ex. He went through everything with me which was quite shocking because it had not been a whole month since we’re friends. Throwing back to the day when I first met this guy. It was sudden. He picked me up from my sports ground and missed his School's reunion event just for me? Like why ? Anyways, we went to have tea and then a drive. In just a few hours this guy had my heart, in a sense that He made me feel so comfortable that I kept my short summary sort life in front of him that included my childhood trauma which hardly people know about. Moving on, everything started being great. We met almost every day whether it was a 7pm tea session or a morning 9am before class thing every time was just so amazing. Yes, during this I was scared the whole fucking time knowing this is just temporary and he will leave soon. We usually spoke about everything and sorted out everything but there was just one thing or person he never spoke about which was mentally fucking up my mind slowly and gradually. I tried very hard to ignore trust me because this guy went from being a 0 in my life to a 100 in no time and I didn’t want to lose that thing over some stupid shit. From all the past experiences my weakness was just only one fucking thing and that is knowing your first priority has some other first priority. Or getting replaced or being the second one in someone’s life. Hold up, everything I wrote feels so negative I don’t know why, let me tell what kind of a person is he. Trust me it’ll all come from my heart.
The person I’ll probably never forget my entire life. The guy who’ll slap you real hard and hug you right after because he knew you fucked up but also knows you’re dumb. He’s gonna make sure you’re in safe hands if not he’ll go to any extent to make sure you’re safe. A bag full of care, slaps and love is what he can offer to a person who is willing to do the same for him. He knows his worth and makes me realize my worth. He’s a person who’ll take you to the corner of the city and you still wouldn’t freak out because that’s the kind of trust this guy is capable of maintaining. He’ll stay with you all the time if you’ve had a breakdown or in the middle of it, will sleep on call just to make you feel he’s there for you. This guy will go out of the way to be with you but will rant all the time that why the hell is he with you. Words are nothing for him Actions are everything. He’ll prolly switch restaurants just cause they don’t have crispy chicken but he’ll never switch on you only in the case where you hurt him. Very badly. This guy is a sweetheart I swear and having him is just a blessing. He’ll never know what he means to me or believe in what I say but the way he held me despite all the shit and bitch attitude I gave him he still wanted to stay. And that’s where I learnt to be an amazing friend, holding on through shitty times. He is a whole life lesson and I am glad I had to experience it! Forever wishing him an amazing life because he deserves so much than what he gets and does not realize what a cutie he is. A person can fall for him very easily and trust me I got trapped too for a while but ThankGod I didn’t lose him meanwhile I gained an absolute best friend!
So, coming back to the story of another “ best friend” of mine. Within 3 months this guy came in my life and changed me, changed my routine, changed my behavior. We literally met every day almost before he started his internship, after that we usually met every Sunday and the whole week without meeting felt so fucking incomplete. You know the times when you just see a person and everything gets settled, no matter how messed up you feel that one face makes everything feel so easy, that’s the thing he has in him. Moving on, everything was going great and then a mess came up, which I would like to call him hiding a big secret from me and me overthinking about it so much that it led to many fights and disrespects between us. From calling me every hour of the day to just one call or text a day even many whole days of no contact. From going to every event together to me seeing snaps of him with another person, while ignoring me the whole day. Not being a crazy jealous ass girl but being a friend who just had him yet he had someone else. I tried to stay as clam as I possibly could but janurary 2020 started to make me question my dumbness or triggered my weaknesses. My whole life was open in front of this guy but his life was just becoming so private day by day making me feel so miserable. My weaknesses were rising again and I could not do anything except to face him and ask if there was another person in his life. And yes there was from the starting I knew but ignored it as I didn’t believe in such friendships as I had gone through another best friend's exit from my life. Things kept getting messier and messier, every time I try to ask I was told I had no right. I was told that it was not my concern. I was told I am a 17 year old and I would react accordingly so iam not capable of handling secrets. In return to that I disrespected him a lot that included shitty remarks on our friendship, questions on his integrity and what not. Yes, I regret every thing I said and I was sorry for that but wasn’t this reaction fair? Knowing a person is getting distant and will leave you very soon for someone else. Isn’t this all justified. He doesn’t get this and I had no other option but to leave myself before he does. Yet I stay just for the sake of friendship.
I wasted my time on many worthless people in my life so I had plans to just leave and not get hurt but as I have stated in the above paragraph that how amazing he is. I did not gave him another chance, I just gave myself another shot to achieve a friendship. A real one. And honestly after all the disrespect I did to him he still wanted me was just so calming to my fucked up mind that I went for this shot in my life despite the fact I thought this would never happen. But as I said earlier he is a whole life lesson and I wanted to continue learning. My patience levels may always be at decline but ill try my best to get through this. Ill always feel venerable whenever the other person name would pop up but that’s the test I gotta past through in life. The only thing I expect from him is not pinning me on it. I hope he does that. I hope I don’t lose a friend and I may never regret the decision of taking this another shot.
May be this is how life goes but the bright side is he’s still by my side. A bit far but still on my side. Something is better than nothing. I love him a lot and I don’t wanna make things messier for him now. He deserves peace, I don’t know about other people in his life but from my side he should never be messed up or worried. That’s what I want in a friend, even if I don’t have that thing in my life I would love to be that thing in someone else’s life. And being in his life has always been amazing to me so why not another shot?!
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An unwanted bestfriend forever and always.
