I feel so lost within myself, I don't know who to listen to or what to believe anymore. I want to be free around food but I can't stand gaining weight, and I know I'm definitely going to be weighed on Wednesday - I've just gained another two pounds, that's four in a week, typical me. I met with Ms G again yesterday (it feels like months ago, I can't tell the days apart anymore, time is just screwing with me) and she's asked me to journal my feelings before and after I self harm. Great.
Part of me is just screaming to shut myself off from them and run as far and fast as I can because I don't deserve their kindness and I'm wasting their time and I'm not even sick. A large part of me just wants to shut down entirely, but I guess I'll just have to fight that part. I don't want to though, I really just want to give up. But hey, I finally had a night where I didn't mini-binge before bed. Baby steps.
YOU ARE READING
learning to feel
No FicciónThis is not a happy story, or in fact is it a story at all. This is my diary, an amalgamation of my thoughts, of my dreams and my demons, of my delusions and disorders, of my struggles and successes. This is what happens when I try to confront what...
