Cowboys And Angels

Chapter 20

Bonnie's condition remained the same over the course of a few days, but thankfully she began improving on the third day, she was able to walk around without becoming dizzy. John was preparing to leave despite feeling sick doing so, he was writing down the last places he had seen the man he would ask to come look after Bonnie as he sat on the sofa. He didn't hear her sneak up and read over his shoulder.

"Who is Nigel West Dickens?" She asked, watching John jump out of his skin, she giggled softly. "Sorry." She muttered.

John shook his head as she came around and sat next to him.

"An old swindler I used to know... A harmless old man and he's very scared of me... I want him to stay here with you when I leave." He mentioned and Bonnie rolled her eyes but before she could protest John spoke again. "... I don't know how long I'll be gone, Bonnie... I need someone I can trust to be here if... Somethin' happens." He sighed as he continued writing.

"... Somethin' happens to me or you..?" She asked quietly and John paused, exhaling quietly. "... John...?" She asked quietly.

"... I dunno..." He replied and Bonnie looked away.

"John I would rather live here the rest of my life with you here... Rather then you dying." She gulped as tears came to her eyes.

"... I know... But with you sick with the baby I can't risk keeping you away from the ranch..." He muttered, continuing to write, trying to remain stoic.

"John!" Bonnie suddenly barked, causing him to look over at her with some surprise. "Please... Don't go." She begged. Ouch.

"... I have to..." He said, reaching over and running a hand through her hair. "... When it's all over... Not only can you go back home but you won't have to worry about giving any more money to those assholes and I won't have to worry about being hunted again..."

"Not if you're dead..." Bonnie sniffed.

"Bonnie I can't-" John stopped talking and looked down, his head hanging for a moment, Bonnie tilting her head.

"John talk to me..." She pleaded.

"... I can't lose you." He whispered. "... I-I... I can't... I saw you on the ground outside and... I thought..." He muttered and bit his tongue.

Bonnie ran a hand over John's scarred cheek, and quickly wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close, he wrapped his arms around her waist and sighed.

"I'm not... Strong enough." He admitted and Bonnie felt her heart clenched.

She knew then that it was more selfish to ask him not to leave... Even if it killed her to watch him ride away.

"You've done so much John... If you could handle all that you can handle this... I'll be here when you get back." She said, giving him her blessing to leave.

"... I'll be back as soon as those bastards are dead..." He growled quietly and kissed her lips. "... Tomorrow I'm going to head out... West Dickens can be a bit infuriating but I think you can handle him... Like I said he's really scared of me so he'll take good care of you." He chuckled quietly and pulled back, seeing her face...

He memorized every curve, every dimple... Because this could be the last time he saw it... But he would be damned if he would let anyone kill him before he saw his newborn, he would fight. He then met Bonnie's gaze, he never thought that one person would hold the key to keeping him alive.