you're not alone. - johannie.

i.

Dear Diary,

Life is so fucked up. I wish I could just end it here. It's not like anyone cares about me, anyway. And if I disappear it wouldn't hurt anyone, right? Nobody cares about me. And it's worth a try.

Not even my parents love me. I can tell. They always argue and never get along. It's bullshit. And my school, they just can't cut the shit. They always look at me like I'm the weird kid. Like I'm different. Like I don't belong there. Bullies everywhere. Killing the shit out of me. It fucking sucks. I wish I could just end my life here. I think I've had enough crap throughout my 16 years and the only way to make myself feel better is for me to have peace. And the only way to have peace is to end my life.

But you know, someone else is telling me to go through all the struggles in life. Someone's pushing me to keep going. And it's fucking bullshit. The pressure it gives me, makes me want to end my life even more. But at the same time, more and more problems come my way. All I could think if of is that if I never existed, my parents wouldn't be arguing. Everyone at school would be at peace. The teachers wouldn't be so stressed out because of the way I act in class. The other students wouldn't have to look at me like a wannabe and the fact that I don't belong in that hellhole.

Maybe it isn't a bad idea to disappear. Maybe it's what the world wants. Maybe it's what the world needs. But one thought is always in my head: what if my life wasn't that fucked up like right now?

Annie Leblanc