Is it still reality ?

Just a dream or something different?

It feels like I'm falling, like I'm falling into an infinite hole, my blonde shoulder length hair  blown into the air so that the only thing that I can see is the hair besides my face and the darkness above me.
I feel something cold laying on my collarbone, I try to grab it but unsuccessful.
I want to scream but I can't, something stops me from doing so.
I feel emptiness inside me and around me the only thing to see is darkness.

Suddenly something or someone caught me, I immediately feel safe again.
I stare into those green eyes who had just saved me, it is really comforting laying there and knowing that you are safe and that nothing can ever happen to you.
Before I can thank my saviour, my eyes get blurry and everything spins along with my body which feels like I'm on a Ferris wheel. Out of nowhere I can hear a whisper who tells me that everything will be alright, I somehow trust into that voice.

I wake up in my queen sized bed with my covers wrapped around me and my arms hugging my pillow, my forehead covered in sweat. What just happened ?

  A knock on my wooden door kicks me out of my thoughts, it is my so called lovely mother.
Let me say it like that, she can be difficult though she is always there for me and I always there for her, especially when my dad had died because of an accident during him doing his job. That happened when I was 13, that was two years ago. I think that is when we built a really strong bond between us.
"Are you alright dear?" the dark blonde woman asks standing next to the door frame looking quite sleepy.

I give her a strange look, this feels like a dream but haven't I just dreamed something?
That is confusing.

She stares at me waiting for an answer, I then all of sudden come back to reality.
"Y-Yeah I'm alright, I guess. What time is it though?" I ask while wiping away my sweat on my forehead.
"It's 3AM, and I heard you talking in your sleep and you cried a name and then there was just... silence. I'm really worried about you lately you know, all your nightmares and not going out with friends anymore, just sitting in your room and reading and drawing stuff"
she says saddened and sits herself next to me on my bed, she puts her hand hesitantly on my back and starts petting it gently.

That's exactly what I mean, yeah right she is just worried but sometimes it can be annoying, I mean it is still my life and I can still choose about what I do in my free time and if I'll do something with friends or something different. But I think that she'll never get why I don't do that much with friends anymore.

Well one reason is that I don't have that many anymore , though i used to have a lot actually but sometimes people change, so have I and so have some of my old friends.
The second reason is that I just got more into books along with drawing and most of my time I spent in a library, and  that wasn't cool enough for those friends I guess.
So those friends went drinking, vaping and some other stuff with boys.

I didn't want to be like them, so I decided to be different and don't go out like them and just do what I love and distract myself from reality, but it seems like my mother would like me to be like them though don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for everything and I do love her with all my heart.

"Well, I think you should get some more sleep, tomorrow's school Lena" she says and looks at me with her grey blueish eyes and concern in her voice though it sounds like a bit pity in it, she opens her mouth to say something else but immediately closes it after a second. "You know, if you want to talk I'm always there for you, I know how hard it can be to be...like you" she says in a shaky voice and regret written on her features.

I really don't want to talk to her, but I ask myself what I did wrong for her to say that she knows how I feel and how hard my life has been, my life isn't hard , actually the opposite but I don't want to have a discussion at 3AM so I'll just let it be.
"Thank you but no Thank you" I answer cold.
"well then sleep well honey" she says with her voice again a bit shaky, it feels like she just tries to hide the fact that she is actually concerned about her daughter's wellbeing.

Despite the fact of my cold answer I gave her, she looks at me and I can see how she tries to give me a little smile, she then stands up and makes her way to my door and turns off the lights in my room.
Everything is darkened but I can tell that she stands there, looking at me and probably thinking what is wrong with her daughter.
However after a few seconds she leaves the room with my door leaned in a small gap.

I really can't sleep, I already tried to close my eyes multiple times but I just can't sleep because of so many thoughts crossing my mind.
I don't even know what I'm actually thinking about, well about my dream yes but it more feels like a memory and not like a dream.
Those eyes I looked in were special, they seemed so familiar yet so foreign, it felt like I could trust in them, this moment felt like forever but also just like a second ,but I do know that I felt safe.
I have the urge to see those eyes again though I only have the memory of those and not any face features,I feel attracted to them.

I wake up the next morning, feeling empty and not to mention the lack of sleep I have, as I open my eyes I can feel a stabbing pain on my back as well as a bit headache.
As I put my fleecy rosé blanket aside, I start to get ready to school.
As I glance into the mirror, I can see my eye bags darkened, in general, I don't look that healthy.
I then stumble my way to the bathroom and take a quick shower, after that I put on some natural makeup like concealer to hide my dark eye bags.

I then change into some blue trousers with a black turtle neck sweater and a grey coat.
I eventually make my way to the kitchen, as I enter, I can see my big brother Liam standing at the kitchen counter in sweatpants and no shirt on him, making some breakfast.
My havanese dog George welcomes me by jumping at me with joy, I pet his soft blonde fur.

"Hey Rosy, do you want some oatmeal with fruits?" Liam asks calmly with concern in his voice while his hands go through his messy dark blonde hair.
As he turns around to look at me seeing me cuddling and playing with George in our kitchen, a friendly smile appears on his face.
"Thanks but I'm not hungry" I answer with a flash of a smile on my face.
"But you have to eat something Lena. Is it because of last night?, Mom told me about it, I'm here for you, you know" he mumbles the last part under his breath like he'd already know the answer to his offer.

Everyone tries to be there for me, to safe me and help me with everything but I'm fine without them, but no one gets it. I am fine.
"Liam, I'm fine, I had one bloody nightmare, every person eventually has one, I'm just not hungry!" I hiss at him.
He avoids my gaze and just stares to the ground, George laying now next to Liams feet.
Before I can leave the kitchen, he grabs my arm and hugs me tightly.
We both hate fighting with each other, since my dad had died, we always stick together and built a tight bond with each other, he really means a lot to me.
After a few seconds he eventually let go, he looks me now straight with his hazel brown eyes into mine which have the same colour like he has, after he pulled away, he gave me a small smile.
Liam then turns around and picks an Apple from the silver fruit bowl on our wooden dining table.
"You'll probably be hungry later" he says, handing me the apple with a mixture of hope and regret written on his face.
I grin at him and take the apple and places it in my yellow school bag, „Yeah you're probably right" I say and wink at him.
"It's getting late, you should go, see you later and be safe" he says with satisfaction in his voice.
I just give him another small smile and leave our cottage in hurry.
As I leave our cottage I run down the road because I'm already late for school but there's something's odd today, as I run I start to stumble over my own feet and my eyes begin to blurry, I want to scream for help but nothing comes out of my mouth. I'm helpless.