Sherlock Transcript

A Scandal in Belgravia (Part I)

The episode picks up precisely where "The Great Game" left off, with Sherlock aiming the pistol down at the bomb jacket. As he and Jim Moriarty stare at each other, the introduction to The Bee Gees' song "Stayin' Alive" begins to play tinnily. Sherlock and John look around, confused. Jim briefly closes his eyes and sighs in exasperation.
JIM: D'you mind if I get that?
SHERLOCK (nonchalantly): No, no, please. You've got the rest of your life.
(Jim takes his phone from his pocket and answers it.)
JIM: Hello? ... Yes, of course it is. What do you want?
(He mouths 'Sorry' at Sherlock, who sarcastically mouths 'Oh, fine' back at him. Jim rolls his eyes as he listens to the phone, turning away from Sherlock for a moment, then he spins back around, his face full of fury.)
JIM (loudly into phone): SAY THAT AGAIN!
(Sherlock frowns.)
JIM (venomously, into phone): Say that again, and know that if you're lying to me, I will find you and I will ssssskin you.
(He hisses out the 's' of 'skin.' Sherlock briefly looks round at John.)
JIM (into phone): Wait.
(Lowering the phone, he begins to walks forward. Sherlock looks at the bomb jacket and fretfully adjusts the grip on his pistol as Jim approaches. Jim stops at the jacket and gazes down at the floor thoughtfully before lifting his eyes to Sherlock.)
JIM: Sorry. Wrong day to die.
SHERLOCK (casually): Oh. Did you get a better offer?
(Jim looks down at the phone, then turns and slowly starts to walk away.)
JIM: You'll be hearing from me, Sherlock.
(He strolls back around the pool towards the door through which he originally came, lifting the phone to his ear again.)
JIM (into phone): So if you have what you say you have, I will make you rich. If you don't, I'll make you into shoes.
(Reaching the door, he raises his free hand and clicks his fingers. Instantly all the lasers focused on Sherlock and John disappear. As Jim walks through the door and vanishes from sight, Sherlock looks around the gallery but apparently can see no sign of the retreating snipers. John sighs out a relieved breath.)
JOHN: What happened there?
SHERLOCK: Someone changed his mind. The question is: who?
(Elsewhere, a woman's hand lowers her phone and switches it off. Wearing a pair of black Brazilian knickers under a sheer lace robe, she walks from the landing into a bedroom, lashing a riding crop against the door jamb as she speaks.)
IRENE: Well now. Have you been wicked, Your Highness?
(Inside the bedroom, a pair of naked legs can be seen lying on a bed. The person's ankles appear to be tied to the foot of the bed.)
SULTRY FEMALE VOICE: Yes, Miss Adler.

NEW OPENING CREDITS!

221B BAKER STREET. MAY 30. John is sitting at the dining table in the living room updating his blog on his laptop. Sherlock, wearing a red dressing gown over his shirt and trousers, is standing at the other side of the table drinking from a mug while leafing through a newspaper.
SHERLOCK: What are you typing?
JOHN: Blog.
SHERLOCK: About?
JOHN: Us.
SHERLOCK: You mean me.
JOHN: Why?
SHERLOCK: Well, you're typing a lot.
(The doorbell rings.)
SHERLOCK: Right then. (He walks towards the door.) So, what have we got?

Over a period of many weeks, people are coming to 221B to consult with Sherlock. Each of them sits on a dining chair facing the fireplace as he or she speaks.
MAN: My wife seems to be spending a very long time at the office.
SHERLOCK: Boring.

WOMAN: I think my husband might be having an affair.
SHERLOCK: Yes.

CREEPY GUY (holding a funeral urn): She's not my real aunt. She's been replaced – I know she has. I know human ash.
SHERLOCK (pointing to the door): Leave.

BUSINESSMAN (sitting on the dining chair while two aides stand behind him): We are prepared to offer any sum of money you care to mention for the recovery of these files.
SHERLOCK: Boring.