Tonight, your boyfriend Ed was getting back from touring for more than 4 months. You missed him so much and were nervous about his arrival. Not only because it had been the hardest 4 months of your life, but he would be sad when he saw what you've done. You hated making him sad. He was the last person in the world you'd want to make sad. You were casually sitting on the couch in a pair of his sweatpants and Ed's tour sweatshirt he specially made for you that said 'Ed's fav girl" on the back. You always felt calmed in this sweatshirt, it reminded you that he loved you and you shouldn't feel sad. It was hard lately though. It's hard going from seeing someone everyday and waking up to them, and then one day they leave and are gone for months. Before you met Ed, you were a mess. You were very insecure and hated yourself, you cut alot, you tried starving yourself, you were depressed. But, after you admiring him from afar and going to his concerts, things finally happened. Your two bestfriends were dating his two close friends and things just sort of took up from there. You didn't want to sound to cliche, but he honestly was the missing piece that you needed. Ever since you two started dating, it had been perfect from there. You and him made it a religion to have Sunday movie marathons while you were cuddling on the couch and drinking tea. You've met his family, you've met his. Almost all the songs on his last album were about you and you always felt happy when you listened to it. Basically he saved your life. You were so close to ending everything, until Ed came into your life. You and him worked.
But now with him being so far away and so busy, you couldn't help but feel worthless. You started cutting again and you always felt lonely. You couldn't stand to look at yourself in the mirror, because you didn't have him to reassure you that you were beautiful like usual. You didn't have him to sing you when you were feeling sad. You didn't have him just to be there. You missed him more than anyone could ever put into words.
You were almost bursting with excitement when you heard the car door slam from outside both of your house and you ran to the door.
You opened the door and he was standing outside with his bags, looking as handsome as you last saw him.
"Ed.." You choked out, before running to him. He dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around you.
You started bawling, you had missed him so much. It just felt right having him there. You felt whole again.
"Shh.. baby, don't cry." He said in his adorable accent that you loved.
"I missed you so much." You hiccuped into his ear.
"I missed you so much too, love. Let's go inside and make dinner. I'm starving." He said, letting you go. He grabbed your hand with one hand and his luggage with the other and you two walked back into the house.
"Looks spiffy in here." He commented, smiling.
"Well thank you sir. I also ordered a pizza for us, I know I'm an angel." You jokingly said.
"Have I told you how much I love you?" He said, blinking at you in amazement.
He sure loved his pizza.
You smiled and walked into the kitchen, him following close behind.
You both starting eating your pizza, but you were only taking nibbles.
"So tell me about your tour." You said to him, setting your food down to listen to him talk.
He began telling you story after story and each one made your heart ache a little more, because you wish you would've been there with him.
After about an hour of talking, you still had barely touched your food and Ed had eaten about 12 pieces just by himself.
He noticed you weren't eating and gave you a sad look, not judgement. Just sad. Maybe even dissapointed.
"Why aren't you eating?" He asked you softly.
"I am, nom nom." You joked, pretending to eat some.
"Rachel." He warned.
"I'm not hungry."
"Please don't lie to me."
"I haven't been eating much lately." You slowly said, with every word another emotion appeared on his face.
"Why?" He questioned you, genuinely curious.
"I'm fat." You stated.
"Rachel, you know that's not true." He told you, not angry just frustrated.
"It is true." You angrily insisted.
He came over to you and grabbed your hands and as he was reaching down he noticed them.
He noticed the scars.
You felt your cheeks burn red, you knew you shouldn't be embarrassed with Ed but you couldn't help it. You were ashamed.
"Rachel, do you understand how much this kills me?" He asked you.
You shook your head because you didn't know what else to do.
"You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I would give my life up for you. You're my bestfriend and I love you more than anything. It breaks my heart to see you hurt yourself like this." He said, tears falling from his eyes.
You never could accept that people cared about you so much so this was hard to understand.
"Please promise me you will never do this again?" He pleaded to you.
You knew that if you had him behind you on this, you could do anything.
"I promise." You said, then you couldn't hold it back anymore.
You started bawling into his arms and he took your wrist and kissed the scars.
Ed was your savior. He was the reason you were alive today.
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HI BBY RACHEL :-) ILYSM SORRY IF IT'S SHIT
