BAD

Denial

My heart felt like it wasn't mine, I felt it leave my whole body.. it started to crush and turn into dust. My heart dropped at least five times.. *While staring at the officer,  I slowly turn around and saw my daughter standing where the car was, but instead she was smiling* .. "Is my mind playing tricks on me? Is my daughter.. my beautiful daughter dead?" I say in my head while walking over to her. It's as if God wanted me to hear and speak to her one last time, "Cherish!!" I said while crying, WHHHYYYYYY! I scream harder. (Playing back in my head) this whole time when I lift my mother  up to find her pulse cherish was laying down under her with no pulse either. They were both shot, instead Cherish was shot in the heart. The shirt that Cherish had on was white. Everything she had on was white ... except for  the circle red mark with blood dripping down it. "Mommy it's okay, It's okay mommy.. I'm with grandma I'm safe". All I can say to myself is "THIS IS YOUR FAULT, IF YOU WOULD OF JUST LEAVE THAT GIRL BE, THEY WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!". I got closer to Cherish and tried to lean in for a hug and she disappeared...my baby disappeared. I started to go cold, My heart was heavy and I went into disbelief. Shocked by the news I'm hearing.. I went numb and unresponsive. "Ma'am I am so sorry for your loss, if there is anything we can do to make this right, *while handing me a card*, give us a call" said the officer. "In the morning we might need to take you in for questioning, this investigation is now classified as a homicide and we need more information", while he's speaking I'm looking into the sky. I am so lost, I am so confused, I am so broken..the way I feel couldn't be described. "Okay", I said as I close the door. I walked slowly through the living room... slow enough that I can see my shadow wanting to bypass me. What am I going to do? Who do I share my life with? My mom.. My daughter is gone, because of me, Tears slowly streamed down my face like they were in competition. I started to hallucinate ; my vision showed my mom and daughter entering my home. "Where the drinks at", said my mom as I laughed, "Mommy I need help with my tablet, it's not working" said Cherish and I started to cry harder. "WHAT DID I DO?!" I said while screaming. "Why not me god! why not meeeee" I fell to the ground, kicking and screaming everywhere, I ran up the stairs where I stashed my personal gun in my bra draw and realized it still had bullets in it. "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?!" I scream out loud, "IM SO SORRY!" walking to the bathroom.  Pointing the gun at myself, my body couldn't do it..My hand wasn't allowing me to pull the trigger that It was only making the pain from it all hit worst. "DO IT!" A voice on the inside said while I started to cry harder, "ITS YOUR FAULT DO IT". In a bathroom and a house full of silence, A shot went off.... "For you cherish... I love you ma", I mouthed as I took my last breathe. . . .

Thank you all for Reading ...