A Wild Tentacle Monster Appears!

Chapter 4

Wade knew he shouldn't be hard. He knew that. The person he'd witnessed masturbating on the other side of the door was a teenager. To be fair that teen was Spider-Man. Lean, tight Spider-Man who had the impressive ability to bench press a train car and was known for his flexibility. Wade's penis strained uncomfortably against his suit.

"Okay, that's not helping," he scolded himself quietly.

Wade grabbed his baggiest t-shirt and sweats from the dresser and ducked into the closest to change into them.

"Good people do not get hard to their platonic, underage friends," he told his penis sternly as he struggled to get dressed in the confined space.

"Good people do not jack off to their sexy, teenage, super-powered friends," he continued to chant.

"Even if that friend has the face of an angel and an ass that has never even thought about quitting, a good person wouldn't even consider rubbing one out while imagining what it would be like to bend such a friend over and... okay, new plan."

Wade tried to distract himself by imagining that he had not walked in on teen dreamboat Spider-Man, but his old friend Althea instead. He knew for a fact that because of her age and her blindness, Althea preferred baths, but still. He tried to imagine her manipulating her frail wrinkled body as the shower ran over her. Wade wretched violently and the blood drained, instantly from his erection.

"Oh, we don't like that as much do we?" he taunted triumphantly as he climbed out of the closet.

"Don't like what?" Peter asked as he emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and toweling his wet hair.

"Oh, just, uh...,"

"Never mind, forget I asked," Peter said trying to sound breezy but looking thoroughly embarrassed.

"Listen, Mr. Wilson, I'm really sorry about that just now. I don't know what came over me, but it was inexcusable for me to behave that way in your home. Anyway, I'm leaving, I just wanted to say thank you for everything and I'm sorry for troubling you."

Peter folded the towel he held and replaced it on the bathroom sink before hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder and making for the door.

"Kid, wait," Wade blurted out.

Peter stopped.

"Look, I know you're embarrassed but there's no reason to be. A little anal play after a monster battle is, like, my go to destresser . It's totally normal. Also, you went through a significant physical trauma today. You're young, your hormones are all over the place, and then that happens. I'm totally not surprised your body reacted that way. But mostly, and I'm basing this exclusively off my extensive knowledge of Japanese hentai, but I'm pretty sure that giant rape squid dosed you with an aphrodisiac," Deadpool nodded at the bulge pressing against Peter's jeans. "Yeah, normally my pep talks don't have that effect. I mean, sometimes. But not usually."

"You really think it drugged me?" Peter asked, sounding simultaneously alarmed and relieved.

"Sure, probably," Wade said, busying himself at his dresser. Anything to avoid staring at Spider child's adolescent stiffy.

He handed Peter a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt so large it would probably go down past his thighs.

"Those might be more comfortable for now," he said as Peter accepted the clothes.

"Anyway, I don't think you should go home just yet. Just in case whatever's been put in your system has any more adverse effects. The door to this room locks so just give me a minute to grab a few things then I'll be downstairs if you need me."