Me, You, and an Empty Road

2 | chapter two

someone might say

2 | 2
C H A P T E R  T W O 

I'VE ALWAYS QUESTIONED possible motives for murder ever since binge watching all the seasons of criminal minds. Now, listening to All Star for the eighth time with Myles screeching on the top of his lungs; I see where some murderers are coming from. It's taking everything in my power not to shove my fist down Myles' esophagus and rip out his vocal cords. 

"Myles, play this song one more time and I promise you it would be the last song you hear." I glared down Myles who chuckled.

"I love it when you talk murderous to me." Myles threw a wink my way causing Declan to groan. Apparently, my murderous tendencies aroused a newfound kink for Myles. It was borderline torturous to be stuck in a car with them two, I wasn't mentally prepared for the long winded hours in a car listening to them bicker. 

"Do you two knuckleheads have any clue where we're going?" I asked.

"The world's largest toilet bowl."

I stared at Myles, sheer irritation shown on my face. I regret my decision of befriending Declan all those years ago the moment that sentence was uttered from Myles' mouth. Instead of oh so lovingly staring at Declan's bushy hair and wide brown eyes, I planned to diminish the friendship the moment he dragged me on a road trip to see a toilet bowl of all things.

Maybe, they can see the large toilet bowl from the inside when I give them the biggest swirly known to the world. 'Eighteen year old, Elijah Callum, murders two of his friends in the World's Largest Toilet Bowl' I can see the headlines now. Declan coughed interrupting my deadly train of thought.

"It's not the destination that counts, but the journey and friendships made instead." Declan optimistically says.

I sighed loudly. "Not if the destination is a toilet that I can't even test out."

"Do you think we can fit a raft in there and ride the swirls when it flushes?"

"I think you should try Myles, but leave the raft out."

"I'd probably drown."

"That's the point."

Myles stared at me appalled for a moment, then evilly grinned. "How about I drown in the crevice of your ass instead."

"Myles, you're asexual. Please shut up."

Myles huffed turning around in the passenger seat crossing his arms. I leaned back into the seat shutting my eyes loving the sound of silence that follows the bickering. The pessimistic thoughts slowly subsided into the depths of my mind. Hearing the soft pitter patter of rain is always a calming experience, it sinks my anger into an abyss.

I open my eyes to see Declan humming a little tune tapping his fingers against the the wheel. Myles twiddling with his phone probably looking up bad puns.

I looked outside watching the way the trees blended together in a fast motion, the different color cars zooming past us followed by a slight whoosh from the puddles of water, a delicate hue of red painting the skies warning us that the first day of the road trip is near the end.

"That cloud looks like a dildo." Declan commented staring at the large cloud in his view. "Shut up, it looks a bunny." 

The abyss of calmness withered away. Can't they shut up for more than five minutes. I eagerly wanted to say, instead I held in my comment and plugged my ears in with headphones before they drag me into their outlandish conversation.

"Buttercup, we're stopping at a gas station soon. Do you want anything to eat?" Myles asks.

The car pulled into an oldish gas station. No cars in park, the open sign flickering on and off as if we accidentally stumbled into a horror film, and only one pump with a rustic exterior. 

"Are you going to poison it?" My voice came out in a snarky tone. "Damn, you and your brilliant mind foiling my plots once again." Myles dramatically placed his hand on his heart working a pained expression on his face.

I don't know why I laughed at the horrible attempt of acting. "You're acting is a crime against all things known to the acting world." Myles clicked his tongue grumbling a "harsh" under his breath.

"Okay, you cheap versions of Romeo and Juliet, I'm going to handle the gas. If I come back to a cum stain on the expensive leather, there will be castration." Declan turned off the ignition and left the car followed by Myles who enthusiastically scurried to find the treasure trove of junk food.

I was left alone to my thoughts. A million thoughts rushing in my mind as the car lights slowly turned dark. This is the perfect set up for the start of a thriller film, an unsuspecting teen alone in the car in a fishy gas station. Myles and Declan walking back to realize i'm not there and set off in an adventure to find me. Such an intense film being concocted in my mind, writers would be put out of business if i wasn't too lazy to put my ideas anywhere but my head. 

"I'm back." Myles singsonged throwing a bag of junk food in the seat, I heard the harrowing sounds of crunching and plastic rustling. 

"Dammit, I thought for sure that this was going to be the start of a horror film."

"What?"

"Those creepy lurking guys I always see in films didn't do their job I guess."

"Are you trying to tell me you were wishing for me to get kidnapped?"

"Of course not, I was waiting for your body to be chopped up and ate by cannibals." I sighed in fake dissatisfaction collapsing against the leather said.

"If you wanted to see me being eaten, you could've just asked."  Myles weakly attempted to wink my way before the car door opened abruptly and he let out a little scared shriek. "You scared the shit out of me Declan, my buttercup finally admitted to wanting to vore me."

Declan whipped his head around to me sporting a befuddled look. I snapped my head towards Miles and smack the back of his neck in a teasing way. Declan rolled his eyes hopping into the front seat not wanting to hear the context of the conversation he missed.

"At least don't get blood on the seats." Declan sarcastically muttered starting the ignition to further the extravagant journey towards the world's largest toilet.

"By the way, here." Myles searched through the white bag and threw me sweet and spicy Doritos. He sent me a little grin when I looked up at him with furries eyebrows. "How'd you know these are my favorite chips?"

"I magician never reveals his secrets."

"Well magician, can you pull another magic act and disappear."

"No, but I can make your clothes disappear."

I groaned opening the chip bag. Myles happily turned away, a face of delight clear on his face. 

Fuck my life, on the road day two.

CHAPTER TWO. FIN.