Me, You, and an Empty Road

5 | chapter five

someone might say

5 | 5

C H A P T E R  F I V E

CONFESSING IS OVERRATED. That's what I've convinced myself after the ultimate fail of a confession to Declan on my fifteenth birthday. A big part of me remembers that day as the day I gave up on the possibility of us being together. "This is my best friend, Elijah." The sentence was drilled in my head as well as the 'friend.' It repeated in my head numerous of times like a broken record.

A cheesy letter professing all my inner feelings with fancy writing and glitter. It was stupid of me, the whole idea of the possibility we can more than friends. I still remember holding the pathetic letter between my nimble fingers with a heart filled of love and worry. It immediately crashed and burned when seeing Declan walk hand in hand with his first girlfriend. She was sweet, smart, not his childhood best friend with the inability to be upfront with his feelings- someone who would be good for him. 

"This is my girlfriend, Gia." I immediately hid the letter behind my back and unleashed a happy facade. 

"This is my best friend, Elijah." He introduced, my fists clenched the letter behind my back. I could hear the little crinkles of the paper being crushed as if it was in sync of what my heart was feeling. I smiled, as a best friend I had to be supportive. I watched him walk away with Gia laughing happily. Tears welled in my eyes when I stared down at the crumpled letter. 

His name written in cursive slowly smudged due to the the tears dripping onto it. A ludicrous idea, that was what the letter was. A false hope built of years upon ripped in half and thrown into the trash. It was a wasted opportunity of my penmanship, I'd probably be bitter over staying awake for 5 hours perfecting the cursive and delicate glitter splashes. On my fifteenth birthday, I cried into a bucket of ice cream watching cartoons feigning anger at the idea of falling in love once again. 

I was scared that when I stared at Myles who was smiling down at our matching friendship bracelets, I felt like the same dumb fifteen year old with expectations. 

A fake diamond encrusted heart with the words "best" was the start of an uneasy feeling. I could see the way Myles' face lit up when staring down at the other half of "friends." Friends. That cursed word. Fuck. Why do I feel so uneasy that he's happy we got friendship bracelets. I really was the dumb fifteen year old Elijah, I'm going to end up binging down another bucket of ice cream. I leaned against my fist staring intently at Myles who was tracing the heart as if  the delicate little trinket was his most prized possession. 

"I get my face is practically chiseled out of marble, but drooling over it seems highly unusual for you." 

"I was wondering how much better you'd look with bruises."

"There's the buttercup I know, I thought you were falling for me."

I paused staring at him with shock. He quirked an eyebrow at my shocked face. "Wait, buttercup. Are you developing feelings for me and my oozing good looks." It was not a good idea to stare right into his eyes. I felt queasy and flustered, wondering how the sudden realization that Myles isn't totally annoying than how I thought of him before. I desperately needed to change the conversation.

"Are you turning red?" Myles awed placing the palms of his hands against my face, it was odd how I started to feel sweaty and my heart started to beat in a faster pace. This was bad. My eyes widened in disbelief that my heart pounded against my chest. My entire body felt enthralled. I was so confused and dazed and my thoughts were muddled. It wasn't a new feeling, it was the same feelings I felt when I realized I might like Declan more than a friend. Fuck.