It was a look of love

The Remeberance

Days went by, the earth kept turning and everyone kept going. I was never one for attention, so I wore my biggest smile and laughed the best laugh I could. Although it hurt, it hurt to laugh when you wanted to cry, it hurt when you had to smile when you want to scream and punch things. I was so mad. So mad that people are so selfish, so mad that life kept going when I needed it to stop. It felt like I had to keep running when I couldn't breathe any more.Life became physically impossible. Not because some stupid guy decided to fuck me over. No, it was cause I had lost it. I had completely lost my mind. I was disappointed,why couldn't I work harder to get good grades, why couldn't I look in the mirror and like what I see, why couldn't I stop hurting myself, why did I stop eating, why didn't anyone care, why hasn't anyone noticed. WHY WHY WHY? I remember I met this one boy in my class a while ago. It was 8th grade year and he was this well known and liked kid in my Algebra class. He sat in the back, he was one of those guys who messed with the teacher and never did any work. I sat in the middle with people who preferred less attention. There where nine 8th graders. 5 were fairly "popular" and the other 4 were known. He was one of the five and I was one of the four.This particular boy was in 3 of my classes. He would hold my hand under the desk in 3rd period and would tell me I'm cute in 6th and tease me in 7th. To me it was nothing cause why would a five like a four. One day during lunch we ran into each other and he hugged me. It was one of those hugs girls love. Where they wrap their arms around your waist and spin you around. It was the best hug I've ever received and I never forgot it. But nothing went further than holding my hand under the desk shamelessly and subtle teasing me in 7th like he did with other girls. The next year of course we never saw each other. Although he never ran through my mind his hug never left my memory.That very boy ended up being in 3 of my classes that year. I never really noticed him. How could I when I had thunderstorms and tsunamis in my head. He kind of always talked to me but it was a very friendly way. Then the unexpected happen and we talked more frequent. We talked everyday and he just always made me laugh. It felt good to laugh and mean it. He was so dorky and so kind. Our conversations were always so weird and random with a little flirting. He just always made me smile. Then randomly one day he wrote in my notebook that I was distracting him with my cuteness. My cuteness. Distracting. Me. It was unbelievable, someone so well known and liked thought I was cute and it was distracting him. But then again someone like him would say I'm cute was impossible.He was lying of course. Teasing me making me feel like I was something when I simply wasn't. I ignored it, he was trying to make me seem stupid. I wasn't going to let that happen again. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Days went by and we talked more. I never let it mean anything. And that's as far as it went, geometry class per 2. We never talked out side of class and we acted like we didn't know one another when we passed by each other. As a girl when some one flirts or shows interest you automatically tell your best friends. But this guy never came into our conversations. He was forever stuck as my per 2 chat .Lately I've been getting frustrated and just scratching at myself. One particular day I was just so mad I scratched so hard it broke skin. I never hurt myself anywhere visible but I let my frustration cloud my mind and scratched my wrist. I wore a sweater and bracelets the next day not knowing how to cover it up. All was going well and first period past and no one noticed so I thought no one would notice during 2nd as well. But to my surprise I was wrong, we were talk as usual until my sweater went up and he saw. "He saw,He saw,He saw" was all that went through my mind. I enjoyed his company. He made me smile and laugh, he was honestly a good friend. Now he might think I'm crazy that I'm insane. But he asked about it. And we talked about it. He hugged me. That's what I needed to be put back together. He hugged me,he noticed, he cared and he helped me. That was the day I realized sometimes the last people you would think of cares the most.