180 Days of Service- Chapter 2: The Breakup
I hadn't thought much of Rose and I ever breaking up until the days leading up to it. Though I hadn't thoroughly thought it out, the initial breakup in all of my thoughts were the worst of all. I imagined immediately going into a state of shock, the one which required medical attention. Teams of doctors and medical professionals trying everything in they're power to resusitate me from one of many deaths. I never saw myself feeling the full onslaught of the breakup a month later. I was new to this kind of pain and dispair. I had no idea that the breakup was the easiest part, the ugly truth was that most of the pain came much later on trying to grasp what had just occurred, the magnitude of it all.
I spent hours each day thinking about her, what she was doing, whether or not she was feeling what I was. If only there was a breakup manual that had all the things that would further prolong my sufferring, so I could avoid them. Im sure I actively sent well over a houndred unanswered text messages and voice mails daily, until she had finally changed her number. She no longer had time for me in her life, my princess had no desire to even talk to me.
My dad had referred me to a professional therapist who specialized in overcoming the agony of losing a loved one. Dr. Miller was her name and I had weekly sessions with her. The first two were more of a meet and greet, us acquitanting ourselves to each other. The next five were of my relationship with Rose and how I was dealing with it. Dr. Miller recommended I try to stay positive, that life has a funny way of playing out.
I remembered when my mom died a two years, my dad was a bigger wreck than I was. They had been together for a little over a year, married when they were twenty and remained together for the next twenty years until her death. He had told stories of how pointless his life was before he had met my mom, hours of late night drinking on weekdays, missing classes, and squandering relationships and opportunities. She gave his life meaning. He had decided then to quickly clean up and he slowly got his life back on track, graduated college with Master Degree's in both Math, Architech and began his career working for a small startup architectural company which became prevusely successful financially.
During dinner my curious dad asked about my progress.
"So how are your sessions coming along?"
"Fine I guess."
"Why do you say that?" he asked.
"Okay, to be completely honest, therapy isn't helping much. I keep waiting for her to say something meaningful that will make me forget about Rose, and that'll bring the good times back before I ever met her."
"Ha ha ha", he chuckled. "I know how you feel".
"How did you get over mom's death?" I asked.
The smile quickly faded from his face as he responded, "I never did."
"But you look a lot better off now than you used to."
"Because I learned to deal with it by accepting reality. Your mom's gone, nothing I do will ever bring her back."
"Did you learn that in therapy?"
"Somewhat. Therapy really made me aware of just how much life really can suck. Especially when you've lost one of your biggest motivations, my everything", he mustarded, trying his best not to break down in front of me, to no avail.
"I had to stay strong for you Russ, but I'm so lost and lonely without her."
I went over and hugged him, trying to comfort him in any way possible but he shrugged me off, repeatedly saying, that he was ok.
I felt bad for not contemplating his feelings after mom's death. I hadn't spent as much time with him as I should have.
After the somber mood escaped the room, my dad was first to get up. He was heading out as he does daily after dinner to a place unknown to me. I decided to follow him tonight.
I followed at a distance from my SUV until his black SU
