Don't Let Me Drown Again

So much for a fresh start

Darkness, helplessness, pain and fear. Overwhelming unbearable fear. That's how I feel that's how I live constantly. I'm afraid of new beginnings and the future, the past eventually catching up with me. I think of what i would be like if it happened again and what would happen if he found me again. When I do, I find myself suffocating, hyperventilating like the air is fighting against me and all forces are coming together to knock me down. To destroy me.

*The next morning*
I shot out of bed unable to breathe. Another nightmare. I tried to gather myself together and instantly my mother was by my side. She was always by my side my best friend, partner in crime and many more phrases could describe our relationship. "You ok, Eva?" She asked. "I'm fine, I need to get ready I'll see you downstairs." I replied. She nodded. I accidentally caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked deep into my hazel green eyes and I couldn't recognise the stranger staring right back at me. After what had happened I don't know who I am. I'm a stranger to myself. I always dream of finding myself. I pulled my medium black hair into a low ponytail. I grabbed my warm pink lipstick and applied it to my lips. Afterwards I headed to my closet. It was huge. My whole house was huge because I was rich. Well my mam was rich. She owns half the hotels in this town. I flicked through my clothes. I spotted my old football jersey and a flash of pain washed over me. I took it off the hanger and decided that since it was the first day of college I would try out for the football team. I got dressed into a black top and white jeans and my denim jacket. I went downstairs to have coffee because I can't function without it. "I'm going away today Eva will you be ok here on you're own?" my mam asked. I nodded and drank my coffee. "Bye E, I'll see you in six months, are you sure it's ok that I'm leaving?" "Of course mom, this is a great opportunity." I hugged her and off she went to start her new life away from me and away from moons town. I took my school bag shoved my jersey inside and headed out the door. And I was scared. I chewed my lip which is what I do when I'm scared or nervous.

I walked down the old streets and spotted Benny beside Cherries diner I quickly ran up to him and hugged him. Benny was my best friend, my rock, the person who helped me heal or at least tried. He understands me and I love him as a best friend so much. I stood there with his muscly arms around me he was tall had blonde hair blue eyes wore a leather jacket and drove a motorcycle. "Hey, how are you?" He asked. "You look thin have you been eating properly, you know how important"- I cut him off and said "Are you ready?" I was chewing on my lip now as I was really nervous. "Don't be nervous Eva, it'll be fine, I've got your back." And when he said that I really felt like he meant it. I told him all about my plans to try out for the football team as we walked to school and he listened and I felt ok for a bit. If there was one thing I was good at it was hiding my feelings and pretending i was ok.

We went to the study hall for our assembly about starting college and the clubs they have here e.g. football, basketball, hockey, cheer, dance, gymnastics, debate, chess club and choir. They also talked about hygiene, classes, school rules, mental health and they introduced us to our guidance counsellor Mr.O'Rourke. This made me think about all the psychologists and therapist I've been to try and heal and to forgot the horrible accident. Most of them were nice but they didn't really care about me or my story which is understandable because they don't know me. After the assembly I had classes which were boring.

At around 1:45 I made my way to the gym to get changed for try outs. I put on my leggings and pink t-shirt and went to the field. The coach Kasey was really nice. I did a solo I ran I kicked the ball and all of a sudden when the ball was kicked to me I felt as if I couldn't breathe. All kind of memories are filling my head.
There's a tall man with black hair watching me play from the bleachers a look of anger on his face he stands up and begins to make his way to the field. His arms are crossed and his mouth opens he uncrosses his arms and-
"Ms.Wheeler, are you ok?" Someone said. This made me snap back to reality. I couldn't answer all I could feel was fear my mouth was dry I was shaking my breath was short there was a tight unbearable shooting pain in my chest. Suddenly I felt familiar hands touch me and carry me off the field and into the gym.

I sat down on a bench and there was a masculine voice saying things like "Relax, Eva I've got you." It was Benny. I burst into tears and buried my head into his chest. "Why am I not normal Ben?" I cried. He held me as if I was the most fragile thing he's ever held or touched. "I love you." I said. Benny had one hand on my head and one around my shoulder.

After all my classes were over I decided since I had a really bad day I would stop at Cherries with Benny and get an ice cream sundae. Cherries was a small diner we always went to as children. It was retro chic with vintage benches and tables and there was a small tv on the wall behind the counter. I knew the owner really well she was like a second mother to me. She knew my story and never judged me. "Hey Cher, can we get two ice cream sundaes please?" I asked. Benny and I sat down with our sundaes. The tv was on in the background and I felt at home. "Are you alright?" Benny asked. "I'm fine." I replied. "So tell me Eva what happened out there today?" "I got a flashback to my last match." "Oh God Eva I remember that day"- I cut him off and said I didn't want to talk about it. I was about to take a spoonful of ice cream when I heard something demoralising "Connor Wheeler escaped from prison this morning and is said to be a danger to us all." It came from the tv. I dropped my spoon and immediately stood up. "No!!!" I cried. What happened after was a blur all I remember was my body hitting the hard marbled floor.