Ramen or me?

Noodles

Naruto made few angry steps from the door that he had closed so loudly a moment ago, and stopped in the center of the hallway, breathing heavily and looking around, not knowing where to go and what to do with himself.

Ringing in his ears made Hinata's weeping almost unhearable. Almost. The small difference was driving him even more mad and crazy as the image of The Bag was still clear before his eyes.

Suddenly short of breath, he stood there, twitching all over.

Short giggle escaped his mouth. Then turned into a fit of laughter.

There was nothing pleasant about that laughter. It was rough and choking as it cut off most of his access to air, closer rather to heaving, suffocating him, making him bend over in half, as he embraced himself with his arms. Severe nausea stopped him from moving even a step from his place, empty stomach revolting.

His shaking figure staggered and fell to the right upon a wall. He tried to stabilize himself with his arms, then pushed himself off it and started to trudge towards the bathroom, still supporting himself with his hands.

An attempt at catching his breath was met with difficulty as the suffocating laughter didn't stop, couldn't stop, but rather, it mixed together with tears that at some point started to fall down his cheeks. He rubbed his face aggressively to get rid of the salty wetness, but soon gave up, realising how it achieved nothing with new and new waves of liquid flowing down.

He failed to turn on the light, but went inside the bathroom swallowed by darkness nevertheless. His shaking legs gave up underneath him as he fell to his knees in front of the toilet and threw up.

***

Naruto lied on his bed with his jaw clenched, body tense, fisting at the covers underneath. His stare directed at the celling was so intense that if it actually penetrated it, no-one should be surprised.

Every now and then his eyes twitched towards the corridor at the end of which he could almost notice the entrance to the kitchen. Almost.

Mind in shambles, thoughts overrunning themselves, he regretted not being able to just shut everything off. No matter what, the rigging in his ears wouldn't stop.

There was no way that the neatly sealed, still unpacked dish could give off a smell so intense that he could feel it so clearly from here. And yet.

The tense stillness soon gave away to slight tremors wrecking his body. Then to full-bodied shaking. Feeling cold and hot at the same time, he turned to his side with back towards the doors, curling into a ball.

***

Ramen. Being alone and scared. Lonely, ah so lonely. Not knowing anything, being so small, having not a chance against gigant adults. A free bowl of ramen offered with a kind smile, a place to return to and be welcomed at.

Ramen. Children complaing about what they would have for dinner. Returning from the playground and being the only kid to do so by his lonesome. The quietness of his apartment. Warm ramen convincing him that he wasn't actually worse, look, he also had a warm dinner.

Ramen. Being attacked by his teacher. Learning about a monster inside him. Iruka's soothing presence promising him that he was okay, that it was going to be okay as they ate at Ichiraku's together.

Ramen. Eating with his team when Sakura and Sasuke both agreed to amuse him.

Ramen. Sasuke leaving the village. The first meal out of the hospital reminding him there was still hope, past sealed in stone impossible to ignore even for the revenge-hungry Uchiha.

Ramen. Eating with his friends one last time before leaving with the legendary sannin.

Ramen. Ramen. Ramen.

Ramen in a bag under his kitchen table.

Sasuke telling him to give up on ramen for him. Agreeing. Months spent in bliss.

Slowly forgetting the taste of his warmest memories. Months spent on feeling more and more detached from the village. Unable to do anything to stop that.

Living in a bubble. Not meeting with friends. Not thinking about anything much. Feeling more and more indifferent towards the village. Occasional irritation, raising suddenly and leaving him bewildered with himself.

He hadn't registered moving from the bed at all and yet there he was, crouching above the bag, fingers halfway through the process of opening it.

He froze. His mind blanked out for a moment. In the next he jumped away, stumbling and falling on his butt. He frantically backed out until his back met the wall. He closed his eyes, covered his ears and wished the world would disappear until he was capable of handling it again.

The half-opened bag was an even worse bufor and couldn't stop the smell of the dish from spreading everywhere at all.

Nonono. Go away! Leave him alone! He couldn't! He couldn't! He wouldn't! No! Sasuke would come back soon.

His throat hurt from screaming so much. When did he start screaming?

***

An unmoving figure sat under the wall. Face turned towards a half-opened bag, unblinking blue eyes looking so lifeless.

Finally he moved. Fell forward and in jerky moves half-crawling half-on all fours, with no grace whatsoever, he moved. Halfway through when more details came into focus, a new wave of intense smell shoved itself into his nostrils, his eyes gained a new glint, pupils blown wide. He rushed the rest of the way, throwing himself at the bag. The sudden aggressive move made the content of the bag, of the bowl inside, spill over.

"NO!" He howled, loud and raw, and started gathering as much of the soup in his hands as he could, shoving everything he caught into his mouth.

It was cold. Why was it cold? It should have been warm.

It tasted of ash on his tongue. Why did it not taste good? It should have tasted of happiness and good times.

Why why why why why.

He threw up. Looked down. Tried to eat it again. Couldn't, but tried and threw up again. He couldn't accept that so he had to try again. And again. And again. And againagainagainagianagainagainagainagainagainagainaGAINAGAINAGAIN-

He didn't even notice as red chakra surrounded him and ate whole.