Never Have I Ever...

One Too Many Shots.

One too many shots of tequila later and here are a few things you have found out about Sirius:

-He has been in love twice. Once at Hogwarts and once briefly a year after. The first was puppy love and the second went down in a blaze of dragon fire as he cheated on her. Admittedly he said that he had never felt so bad and never wants to feel like that again (among other feelings you imagine) but said the relationship was doomed anyway.
-He has never tried tequila (it showed) -Has had 15 broken bones and counting on various occasions
-Would  'Marry, Murder, Fuck' Minerva McGonagall, Rita Skeeter, and Mad-Eye-Moody in that order
-Wet his pants once at school after a bet with James at who could last longer without the toilet
-Is currently teaching himself bass guitar

Things Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Bill, Ron, Harry, and Luna found out about you:
-Patronus is a corgi
-Been in love once: he left you for a friend (everyone very kindly took a shot for this) "Don't worry it worked out well in the end!" you exclaimed trying not to laugh at Harry who had choked midway through his shot and was now red in the face and coughing hoarsely.
-Has had one broken bone from jumping down the stairs at aged 8
-Absolutely flipped out when you received your letter from Hogwarts. Your parents are muggles and were so proud. You recall your Father's reaction being a wry smile and something along the lines of:  "well that explains a lot." 
-You sing in musicals and in the shower in your spare time.

'My turn! My turn!' Sirius exclaimed after the laughter had died down. Y/N:  'Marry, Murder, or Fuck,' Remus, Bill, or me?!

"I don't think you are supposed to include people who are actually playing Sirius" said Remus glancing quickly at Tonks to gauge her reaction at her husband being on trial in quite frankly now you come to think of it a ridiculous game of 'what ifs' and 'never going to happens'  but Sirius refused to be swayed prompting you to answer: "Remus, Sirius, Bill..in that order earning you high five from Bill, a gratified nod from Remus and a rather amused looking Sirius..almost like he didn't believe you...

First to tap out was Harry, followed by Tonks, Bill, and Remus. Luna was holding her own until she caught sight of a nargle and left to investigate further.  She vomited.

Ron, who was drink for drink with you and Sirius got called out by a rather angry looking Hermione - apparently he had a job interview tomorrow in which a hangover was not part of the desirable criteria.

So by the end of the night it was just you and Sirius. The questions became more and more lewd however the two of you found nothing but hilarity in each others answers. It was surprising how relaxed and comfortable you felt around him...thank you tequila. Sirius' questions continued to probe into your life especially that of your love life....current love life. Who were you seeing? What type? Did you prefer to make the first move? How long do you wait to know someone before you have sex?

If you weren't so tipsy. Nay, drunk, you would have noticed that these questions where leading somewhere...somewhere Sirius had been before and frequently pre-Azkaban. 

In his warm, euphoric (drunk) state Sirius had forgotten that he was a broken man fresh from a 12 year stint in the most foulest of hell holes - lacking confidence and complete with occasional mood swings, and internal self doubts. If he had grown up watching muggle movies he would have accurately diagnosed himself as a man who had lost his mojo. It wasn't like he didn't have offers he just couldn't and wouldn't deliver on them. You see Azkaban takes a lot from a person, it took a lot from Sirius and one of the things he wasn't expecting to lose was his sex drive. Gone were the days of wild all night sex, hungry kisses behind closed doors, and that beautiful feeling of a crush growing into something more...or so he thought.  Lately, he hadn't been able to conjure enough lustful thoughts to feel aroused and that had only depressed him further. As well as depressed, he felt impotent, numb and at times panicked. If he had known the term he would have describe himself as PTSD but instead he thought it was his own fault for getting himself locked up to begin with and that he deserved to not feel like the man he used to be. Sirius had started to give up any semblance of finding a partner and in all honesty he wagered that the little he had to offer was enough to warrant a celibate life anyway. Y/N on the other hand was stirring some long lost feelings within Sirius. The main one being a warm tingling sensation in his chest and up his spine: excitement. Right now he felt alive.

This was apparent to you however you knew that's what tequila did to people so you thought nothing of it and continued to question and answer questions on your ever increasing dirty game. Remus, on the other hand, who had had many a night imbibing various spirits with Sirius knew that the tequila was not having this affect on his friend at all. In fact, all alcohol did for Sirus these days was make him solemn and morose.

Remus scratched his chin as he watched Sirius throw his head back and laugh at your latest response and thought to himself that if he still knew Sirius like he thought he did, he would be seeing a lot more of you at Grimmauld Place.