Not always

Before it all began

Heaven was on earth. And I didn't even realise it. All the light you don't see until the darkness comes. All the luscious roses you do not water until they are thorns. All the friends you do not love until they are gone. I wasted it all.

Me and Kayleigh had been best friends since forever. Even before we were born. Our bond didn't need life to flourish. Even my dad was best friends with hers. I always felt like I'd known her for a thousand years and more, even though I was only ten when it happened.

My first memory is of Kayleigh. We were at nursery then. There was a huge, rainbow tent in the middle of the daycare, that was filled with imagination. I remember us playing in there, just us, for hours. We played the same game over and over again.

It was called "the witches". And although maybe it was only a game at a time, now it's my life.

It was my turn to be the witch. I was sitting in the tent, with my cup of tea in my baby pink plastic teapot. Kayleigh came in, and I pounced. I offered her some tea. She took it. In the Game it was poisoned, so she died. Then I did a mad cackle. We would repeat the game over and over again until it was time to go home. Looking back on it, it all seems kind of silly I guess. But it made us happy.

On the day of my first memory I suppose I was about three. We were playing Witches, absorbed into our infinite imagination. And then Kathy came. Of course she did. I suppose now, now that all this time has passed, she was jealous. Jealousy was what fuelled her hate for me in the years to come later. I was standing over Kayleigh's 'dead' body when she came in. She had probably been watching us for a few minutes before we noticed. "Babyish". "Silly". "Pathetic". That's what she called me. ME. Just me, not Kayleigh.

Don't blame me for bursting into tears. I was only little. But Kayleigh stood up for me. She was the one who gave me confidence. She was the one who made me feel like I deserved to live. She was the one who stood by me when no one else would. That's when I knew I had found a true friend.

Now I'm thirteen. I was so naive.