Giving up on you

LEO part I

 Why are you crying? Didn’t you say you love Hongbin? Why re you acting this way, then? – he silently asked

He half wanted to tell you to stop crying but seeing you like that made him believe you still cared for him; he didn’t say a thing and silently contemplated you crying a river.

- Be happy, Leo. Please.

His heart leaped hearing you said that.

- I will.

He caressed your cheek one last time before turning back and disappearing into the darkness of the night only leaving his footprints on the snow.

That was the last time you saw him.

Leo took his belongings when Hyuk was away so that he wouldn’t have to explain the reason he was leaving and where he was going. He wasn’t in the mood for that and his bloodshot eyes were the proof of that. He knew it was going to be hard to forget about you but wasn’t sure if he really wanted to, but he had to.

“What she said was the crude reality. Nothing more or less” he said to himself, not really helping the pain on his chest.

The image of you confessing to him in high school flashed vividly and he imagined himself answering differently to what he said that day every time. The way things could have turned if he had returned your feelings. He also cursed Hongbin and his fake mother multiple times as he stumbled down on the rained and dark street until, after hours that felt like seconds to him, he finally stopped in a place that was already familiar to him: a hotel.

He stepped into the luxurious lobby where the receptionist looked at him raising an eyebrow.

“You are alone today” the middle –aged man said. It was actually the first time he spoke to Leo who looked up at him before placing a card on the counter. The man was taken aback at the frivolous yet destroyed expression on his face.

“Room 38 on the second floor” he indicated without delay after doing the check-in process.

Leo didn’t answer and just took the key and moved, no, he dragged himself to the said room. Once there he tossed his bag on the couch next to the bed and collapsed on the soft mattress, closing his eyes and instantly opening them again when your smiling face haunted him.

That would be the longest night of his life.

The next day, he woke up when his body started to ache out of too much sleep, not remembering when he fell asleep. He narrowed his eyes to look at screen of his phone. It was 3:00 PM but the dark curtains blocked any ray of light from outside, and he was thankful for that; the memories from last night threatened with showing up in his mind but he stopped them right away, getting off the bed and drinking a full glass of water. In the past, he would have drowned his pain in alcohol but it was different, he had an indescribable mix of feelings; sadness, anger, anguish, heartache but most of all. He felt empty.

He checked his phone one more time and realized he had 10 missed calls from Hyuk; the last one was from an hour ago. He huffed and was about to turn off the phone when it started buzzing, all sleepiness left his body and the grip on the phone tightened so hard that his knuckles turned white. The screen showed your number; he asked Hyuk for it before just in case he decided to call you some day.

A day that never came.

He stared at it for a moment and pressed the “ignore” button right before it went to voicemail and turned it off.