Parting Clouds

Chapter 4.

It was the second last week of grade 11, and we all were more than ready to start our vacations. Rabab was sitting on her usual seat, beside me in English, and Seth was situated right in front of her.

I kept stealing glances at her.

I was brought out of my little game when the teacher spoke up really loudly and announced that we all are going to get in groups and discuss the essay topic for our exams.

Suddenly a voice perked up from beside me, "This is just what I needed."

I turned my head, shocked. Did Rabab just do that?

Did she actually just use sarcasm? I thought she wasn't on good terms with that trait.

Seth turned around too, he was laughing, but Rabab; she just looked confused.

Before I could open my mouth. Seth spoke up, "It is okay. It happens, happens to every one."

A genuine smile was dancing across his features.

"What happens?" She asked in her innocence.

"You know, using sarcasm with teacher, and commenting on something you don't like. It is okay, I do that too sometimes." Seth replied with a sober voice.

"Oh no, you must've mistaken my intention, and tone of voice. I was and am generally happy to do it, I was just showing my enthusiasm in a genuine way. You mistook it for sarcasm." She replied with all honesty.

"Well, then I do that sometimes too." Seth said with a bemused grin.

"Do what?" She asked again.

"Mistake things for what they are not." His charm enveloped his words. But Rabab still didn't budge. She just gave him a tight lipped, almost a non existing smile, and a nod.

But even after she went back to her work. Seth kept looking at her with an admiring and awing smile on his face.

I wanted to slap it of his face.

I looked back at Rabab, then at Seth, then back at Rabab again.

He looked star-struck. She looked like she just ate a crab apple.

In that moment I rewind their little chat in my brain, and I realized with a drowning heart that this was the first time in six months that Seth directed his real side towards Rabab. Usually he was just sarcastic or charismatically mischievous towards her. But the Seth I gazed at now reminded me of the Seth who didn't punch me back when I attacked him.

And this time it was much more worse, because the emotion lurking behind his eyes, resembled the one I see every day in the mirror when my mind would drift in the direction of a certain midnight-brown eyed girl.

I concluded that it was affection. Love affection.

And I also concluded that if this kind of glossy eyes meant love.

Seth was accompanied with them now, and they were unfortunately gazing in the direction of Rabab.

I shut my eyes and with that my mind, stopping every thought that was threatening to enter the premises of my brain, and drive me crazy.

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Every day since then, I would spend at least fifteen minutes in front of the mirror practicing the facial expression that I would be wearing the whole day spent with either Rabab or Seth.

I had a lot of questions, and all concerned her.

I wanted to ask her why she wore that scarf on her head. Why does she not make eye contact with boys? Why did she imprison herself when sitting in English with us? What was her belief? Her thoughts? What does she think of me? Am I worth her time?

I wondered what would happen if I told her about the questions that would surface in my mind. That everbody else thought were peculiar.

I wonder what would she think of them.

But I never asked her anything. I never got the guts too. Call me a coward, but I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to, and even if I did I would back out at the last moment, thinking it wasn't the right time to do so.

I was waiting for the right time. I didn't know that I was fooling myself.

There was no such thing as the right time.

She left me when Grade 11 eneded, leaving a dying and broken heart behind her.

That was my biggest regret. To never have told her that I loved her.

Seth became a bit distant too after she left, and he seemed to be lost most of the time in his own thoughts.

I understood what he was going through. I could empathize with him, but the feeling of jealousy always presented itself as the barrier, preventing me from consolling him, approaching him. Offering him at least just my presence.

But it never happened, and before I knew. We parted ways too.