Hold You Tighter | TaeGyu

Fall Apart

Beomgyu was facing the cabinets on the wall and Taehyun was staring at the top of Beomgyu's head, blinking away the tears, his mouth a little agape, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

The oldest's question made both of them look at him.

"Oh Yeonjun hyung! Come here fast.", Beomgyu beamed with the widest smile. Taehyun wondered how is it possible that a moment ago the man who was going to kiss him is now totally acting as if nothing happened.

Yeonjun obligated and before responding to Beomgyu he eyed Taehyun. "You okay now?"

Taehyun couldn't function at that moment but he had to answer. He nodded his head knowing if he opens his mouth now, the older will know the weak state of his mind.

"Don't you think the designs of these cabinets are beautiful? I was admiring them as Taehyun pointed out. I'm gonna tell mom to get these for me too", Beomgyu chimed happily making Yeonjun barf at his weirdness.

"Anyways I was gonna say that if you guys are done then come fast. Hueningkai is starting the movie and we are ready with snacks. I'm helping with the blankets now" with that said Yeonjun went out of the room.

Beomgyu sighed in relief. "We were this close to getting caught", he mumbled but that didn't go unnoticed by Taehyun. "Taehyun-ah, you go after hyung. I'll come once-"

Taehyun dashed out of the door before even Beomgyu finished. And the ash blonde could only facepalm himself.

***

The boys were watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". And it was that scene where Mondo Bongo plays as the two protagonists show a heated tipsy side while dancing and then end up kissing in the rain.

Yeonjun and Soobin cuddled even more as if they weren't already. Hueningkai grossed at his hyungs.

Taehyun is totally not concentrating on the movie. His mind filled with all that was about to happen and all that actually happened.

Suddenly he felt warm on his hand under the blankets. When Taehyun looked up from his unfinished food to see the face of the owner, he found a softly smiling Beomgyu. He couldn't bring himself to smile back. His mind was too occupied for that. He pulled away his hands from the hold and placed them on top of the blanket, which made Beomgyu frown. Because if he touched Taehyun's hands now, it would definitely catch the others' attention. Beomgyu didn't want that.

After the movie, they all gathered up to play games. They played a few rounds of board games and Jenga. Everyone were so hyped up, even Beomgyu was having his time. But Taehyun was just so distant. He said he's tired so he just wants to sleep. And so before the Jenga game started, he made himself comfortable into the blankets. He just wants to fall asleep and get through this night. So he closes his eyes. He finds himself drift away from the world.

"Kang Taehyun, you're so clingy"

"He doesn't wanna even kiss you, you filthy piece of shit"

Taehyun gasped as his eyes opened. He sat up breathing heavily. I need water.

He saw his friends sleeping peacefully. On his side, Hueningkai is sleeping with his plushie. Yeonjun and Soobin beside him. And Beomgyu at the other corner. "

Hah! See? He doesn't wanna see your bitch face when you sleep"

Taehyun put his hands on his ears to stop this voice. It's getting worse every day. He stood up and saw the time. It's midnight. He went to the kitchen counter to search for some water. He then opened the slider and went out on the courtyard for air. He needs it.

Taehyun quickly found a spot to sit and within a minute, he found himself calming down.

"Hyunie", a soft voice came. Taehyun didn't have to open his eyes to see who it is.

"Hyunie, what are you doing here at this hour? I got so scared when I didn't find you on the fort. You shouldn't do this, dear. It's dang-"

"Beomgyu hyung", Taehyun still didn't open his eyes. "Please go and sleep. I'll come back when I want to."

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I wanna be with my hyunie", Beomgyu moved closer to Taehyun.

"If that's the case then you should've slept beside me", Taehyun blurted out silencing Beomgyu. "Aahh I'm sorry. I uh...I told you I'll come back once I find peace, please go and sl-"

"Taehyun-ah", Beomgyu spoke a bit annoyed. "Tell me, what is bothering you? It's been a whole day and are you still sulking over that stupid hug matter?"

"Stupid?", Taehyun eyes shot open. "Yeah stupid", he chuckled to himself. "I'm indeed stupid". Taehyun stood up and started to walk away.

"Yaa Taehyun! What's your problem? Just tell me", Beomgyu almost yelled, making Taehyun stop.

"Why couldn't you kiss me in front of Yeonjun hyung? Why couldn't you hold hands with me back then when I put my hands out? Why couldn't you ask Hueningkai if you could sleep beside me? Answer me!", Taehyun asked, almost on the verge of crying.

"Taehyun!", Beomgyu sounded a bit angry as he too stood up. "You know that our friends don't know about us. Why do you keep acting oblivious? I already told you my reasons which I'm aware that they're stupid. But I also told you that once I have enough confidence I'll come out. Why don't you just understand, huh?"

Yes, Taehyun did understand. He was happier with just the older's existence in his life. But these voices won't let him live. The voices inside his head reminded him that he is filthy and Beomgyu doesn't wanna come out because of that. Because he's ashamed of dating Taehyun.

Sure thing, Beomgyu doesn't know about these. He was already dealing with his own fears, how is he supposed to handle Taehyun at this moment? This thing happened between them every now and then. It's always arguing-fighting-forgiving-repeat. But they aren't going to find a solution this way. This way they'll hurt each other, fall apart. And no, Taehyun couldn't let that happen. He loves Beomgyu too much for that. And as no soul knows about their relationship, he would've no one to lean on for comfort, he would've no one to share his pain with. But the voices will come back to rip his soul even more.

"I'm.. I'm sorry", Taehyun tried his best to not let the tears fall. It is dark and Beomgyu can't see him.

"I'm..heading inside. Don't stay out for too long", with that said Beomgyu left the younger standing in the chilly night, alone. And after some moments later, Taehyun found himself crying his eyes out as the cold wind blew and he felt his tears sting against his cheeks.

Little did he know that after Beomgyu came inside the house, he ran into the washroom and locked himself. He let the tap water flow so that his sobs didn't go outside those four walls.

~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for 100 reads >0< I know it isn't much but I appreciate it.

Lemme know how you're liking the story by far. Where do you think it is going?

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