The Winter's Widow (MISHBIR VERSION)

Part Nineteen~

Silence.

That was all Abir had heard for the past few years and that was all he heard tonight as he lay awake, pin-straight with his mind full of the past, the present and a future without the woman he’d come to adore. Sleep evaded him while a dull sense of loneliness reared its head to torment him with all he’d lost and all he would soon lose. Each time he’d find his hand reaching for her, he’d yank it back and hold it as far away from her as it could get, the time had passed for him to search for comfort from her, this time he’d leave it down to her, if she wanted him she could have him and if not then, well then he would do the right thing and leave her be.

The very second the clock had struck midnight Mishti knew her husband had became another year older, with that came the realisation that although this was his first birthday they’d spend together it could also be the last. Even though he showed a form of maturity way beyond his years she couldn’t help but focus more so on the childlike fear in his eyes when he’d confessed a past of pain like he’d been guilty of a crime. She yearned to tell him this wasn’t his fault, that they could move forward together as long as he could explain how her past had been known by someone else, but now was not the time, she couldn’t help but wonder if there ever would be a right time or if each chance would feel more wrong than the last? Rolling onto her side, she wiggled her fingers “Happy Birthday”.

“Sorry” he shook his head to remove himself from his thoughts, “Was counting Mishti’s”.

“Counting Mishti’s?” She almost laughed, “Don’t you mean counting sheep?”

“Oh” he smiled, “No” sitting up a little more, he blew his hair from his forehead. “They always say think of something calming, so I uh” he pulled a face, voice more a whisper now than it ever had been before, “Thought of you”.

Her features crumpled like the many scars on her skin as she threw herself into the safety of his arms “I don’t want to leave you”. It had always been easier to be honest when it was dark, she couldn’t see him and that meant he couldn’t see her, therefore he would never realise just how vulnerable she really was when he was around. Scrunching his t-shirt in her hand, she dug her face into his neck and spoke words she knew she’d regret if he lost his temper again: “I thought I could never feel again, but no one has ever treated me like you do and when you say sorry you seem to mean it, no one ever says it and means it and I may be such a fool for believing in you, but I do” she looked up, nails tracing his jaw, “Believe in you, I believe in us, is that stupid?”

“If it is then I think we’re both the stupidest people in the world” tucking her hair from her face, he switched on the bedside lamp, unable to live another minute without seeing the woman who made him live again. Sitting up properly, he tugged her onto his lap “What I said earlier, I meant it” he held her still so she’d have nowhere else to look but at him “I’m falling for you, no one ever catches me, I hope you’ll be the first” he didn’t want to pressure her, but he also did because why else would a woman as good as her choose to catch him when she could run so far elsewhere that she could focus more on saving herself rather than saving him too?

“Can I give you your present?” It wasn’t much, but she hoped it would show him that she really meant it when she said she wanted to stay, perhaps one day in the future she’d be able to respond to what he’d said, but as that day wasn’t today, this would have to do.

Abir clapped his hands together, face shuffling from left to right as he tried his best to peak at what she held behind her back, grabbing it eagerly he shook it by his ear then frowned “It doesn’t rattle”. Ripping it open, he shoved the paper away “Ooh a box, thank you” he went to hug her only for her to lift a hand and giggle.