Something for your Mind

chapter 2

"You have no family that cares about you anyway."

"No one would even notice you're gone!"

"Your existence is pointless, it only gets worse from here..."

I shot up in bed, clawing at my hair that was drenched in sweat. They were all talking at once, louder, and louder.

I breathed heavier as they took up every inch of my brain. There was no escape. Tears streamed down my red face, raw from the combination of sweat and tears put together.

"You're weak! You can't even handle yourself!" A voice laughed loudly in my brain.

"Shut up!" I yelled, desperately. "Get away from me!"

My voice was broken. Imaginary talons dug into my chest and throat, taking away my ability to breathe, to speak... to chase them away.

I punched my white duvet cover over and over, as if somehow the pounding would shake them off, one by one. But they persisted on, laughing and taunting until all I could do was fall back onto my pillow, defeated, crying and grabbing at my head. That's when my mother came.

The lights flashed on, blinding me momentarily, enough to scare them away in only an instant.

"What are you doing, Mason? You're waking the whole city up!" my mom asked me, a hand on her hip, her finger tapping against the wooden door frame.

I was trembling, still crying heavily, but at least it was quiet. I couldn't say anything, I was too shaken. Thankfully, my mom didn't wait for an answer.

"It was only a dream, quit your crying. Why don't you go take a walk and calm down?" she suggested.

I nodded. I needed to get out of this bedroom.

I stepped out of my room. Avelyn was crying loudly. I realized I'd probably woken her up. I could hear Emelia's gentle voice, singing and cooing to the infant. I crept closer to the door that led to their bedroom, stepping carefully to make sure not to make the floorboards creak. After spending my entire life in this apartment, I'd know exactly where to step in my sleep.

I listened to Emelia try and soothe Avelyn for a couple minutes, but her cries never ceased.

"Hush, my darling, everything is alright."

Something in my heart twisted. If only someone could reassure me in a tone as soft as hers. If only I could be held gently and told that I'm not alone...

Emelia began to sing again. Her voice was so hushed, I had to strain to hear the words. I vaguely recognized the tune, and I realized it's something my dad had once sang to me when I was a small child. The words were French, his parents' native language, my grandparents. My dad had spoken it fluently. He adored the song.

I listened, my heart aching, and let her voice lull me away from reality.

"...Alouette,
Gentille Alouette,
Alouette,
Je te plumerai..."

I walked aimlessly down the streets, the cold night air creeping through the fabric of my coat and sweatpants, chilling my bones. My hands were stuffed deep into my pockets, seemingly turning to ice at the tips. My hood shielded my face, but the bitter drafts cut through anyway. I didn't even care though, because even the demons were too cold to come out and haunt me. I was completely alone, not a sound to be heard. It was almost eerie, how silent it was this late at night. A part of me wanted to return to the safety and warmth of my home...

The other part was certain that they were waiting for me there.

So I walked on mindlessly, and found myself at the park.