i miss you | e.d.

30

SOPHIAS POV

i saw a large group of doctors and nurses rush into deans room. my heart rate starts to increase and i shoot you out of my seat.

i start running towards their room but i'm stopped. "family only miss." a tall doctor says. fuck. i nod and back up.

i hear the sound of the heart monitor suddenly flatline. i bring my hands to my mouth as my eyes go wide. no....

tears start to form in my eyes and i still back down in the waiting area. i cant imagine how bad ethan and grayson are doing right now.

i keep waiting anxiously, some tears still falling from my eyes. it's not until about 30 minutes later that ethan, grayson, lisa, and cameron exit the room.

the 4 of them walk out of the room and towards where i am. i don't think they know i'm still here.

ethans head looks up and meets with my eyes. there's no emotion in his face. he looks numb.

"i'm so so sorry e" i say hugging him. he slowly wraps his arms around me, limp. my hand lightly rubs his upper back and i just hold him there.

i release from the hug and look at him. i don't know what to do to help him but i wanna take all his pain away. my head turns to grayson and i can clearly see him crying.

"gray..." i softly say. his eyes gloss over even more as his arms wrap aaron's my shoulders. he starts to crying on my shoulder and my heart shatters for him.

"he's gone" he squeaks out. i let him cry some more before he lets go.

lisa and i talk and i give her and cameron a hug too.

one we had gone home, we all sat in the living room talking to try and feel better. eventually, grayson has stopped crying temporarily, and joined in on talking.

ethan though, he stayed on the far side of the couch and hasn't said a word since before he went into the hospital room.

i'm really worried about him. i decide to get up and go sit by him to make sure he's okay.

"e?" i ask, my voice coming out soft, careful, and smooth. he barely looks up at me and swallows hard.

"please talk to me eth, im worried about you..." i say lightly placing my small hand on his large shoulder.

"it hurts." is all he says before breathing in deeply through his nose and out through his mouth. he trying not to cry.

"do you wanna go somewhere else and talk?" i ask. maybe since i've gone through this twice i can help him. he nods and we both go upstairs to his room.

he takes a seat on his bed and i follow. i look over to him and contemplate what to say. i decide not to say anything. i just softly place my arms around his shoulders and hug him. i feel him fall limp again.

he wraps his arms around my waist and just stays there. soon enough i lay us both down to where his head is in the crook of my neck.

i starts to feel his body jolt in small increments, meaning he was crying. he needs to let it out.

we both lay there for a little while while he cries. i feel his grab into my torso tighter and hold on like i was gonna leave at any second.

after another ten minutes of so, ethans breaths calm down and he's not crying anymore. i lightly rub my fingers through his hair to calm him down some more.

"that feels really good" his husky voice speaks.

"then i'll keep doing it as long as you want me to." i say.

"thanks for being her soph." he says, snuggling into me even more.

"always"

-

3 days after

i'm currently on my way to go check on the twins and lisa. make sure they're doing okay.

i'll pull my car into their driveway and park. my hand grabs the handle and pushes the door open. i excites the car, and make my way inside.

"hey sweetie" lisa says giving me a hug.

"hi lisa" i say sweetly. she smiles at me.

"how are you holding up?" i ask carefully.

"not too bad right now." she says taking a deep breath.

"that's good." i give her an empathetic look.

"graysons coping well, but ethan....i'm worried about him." he says. i furrow my eyebrows, comfused.

"what's he doing?" i ask.

"he's lashing out on everyone. i know he's just hurting and sad, but i'm worried about the damage he'll do." she says i nod and head up to his room.

i lightly knock on the closed door.

"i'm not hungry mom." ethan says with a hint of annoyance.

"ethan it's me" i say.

i hear footsteps and shuffling behind the door before it opens. ethans hair is messy and his eyes are puffy.

"what are you doing here?" he asks.

"just came to make sure you were doing okay." i answer softly.

"i'm not a baby i'm fine." he fires back. i swallow hard trying to be patient with him. i know he's in a lot of pain.

"i'm just worried about you e..." i say trying to break through.

"well don't." he says leaving the door way and sitting back on his bed. i step up a bit and lean against the door frame.

"ethan i know you're hurting and i know this is probably the hardest thing you've ever gone through, so please let me be there for you." i say.

"you don't know anything sophia just leave." he says. tears prick my eyes.

he's just not thinking straight. that's why he said that.

ethan snaps his head back to me almost like he realized what he had said. too late. i slowly turn around and begin to walk back out into the hallway.

"sophia wait." i hear him call. he needs to be alone.

"saint!" he says louder causing me who body to freeze. i feel ethan walk up behind me and pull my shoulder so that i face him.

"i didn't mean what i said." he says, finally showing some emotion in his face.

"ethan it's okay i know you're not in the best place right now. i'm not mad." i say truthfully.

"but i just hurt you. i'm really sorry. i know you've gone through this twice. i cant imagine going through this hell two times. i'm sorry" he says apologizing again.

"ethan it's okay i promise. if you need to be alone, i can go. i promise you i'm not mad and i will give you your space." he looks down as if he's thinking.

"i don't want to say more things that don't mean and hurt you again. so many be you should go." he says quietly. i nod and give him a hug. he hugs me back and clings on tightly.

when we release i look into his eyes. i make the bold decision— well bold for me, and i plant a soft kiss on his cheek.

he seems surprised by this and his eyes widen. i smile at him and turn around to leave. before i open the door, i turn back around.

"text me if you need anything okay?" he nods and i leave.

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A/N: hi this chapter was bad i'm sorry.