my stupid rants

rant #1

this literally doesn't make sense and I wrote it at like, 2:30AM and yeah, sorry

it's the same night over and over again. or so it seems. I stay up way too late on my phone, apparently busy when in reality I'm just looking at a blank screen. eventually, I get tired of this and I just listen to music. I get tired of that too. I get tired a lot.
next thing I know I'm thinking about what my life was like before I realised the world isn't that great of a place after all. I'm thinking about lying on this very bed with you next to me, and we're talking about everything and nothing at the same time and I can't help but wonder if you ever loved me or if I was just so naive I couldn't see the way you stopped calling me during the night, and inviting me out during the day.
I think about all the times you told me you loved me, and how I never doubted you, until I did. I don't know whether to blame myself by becoming so world weary, or to blame you, and the several masks you liked to show me.
but you managed to break me, and now I can't walk down the street I live on without thinking about all the times you walked right next to me, breathing in the same polluted air, seeing everything I did
I can't escape. all my favourite memories include you, and all my favourite places were our favourite places and you've imprinted yourself onto my heart and it seems that I can't escape. I Gave you my heart, and in return, you have my your back.