The promise

My Promise

I want them to look away from what I made myself to be... No... How about this.. I let them see it all..... fine... your lies become the truth... I grin wolfishly at the sight of myself dying.. My white blood covered teeth creating a reflection of what I will become.. I laugh until I choke. I laugh at my pain.. That no one seems to care about. I laugh deliriously and grin wickedly at the sight of their misunderstanding.. I tremble while smiling at the sight of obliviousness that my loved ones posses.. Loved ones? Should I call them that any longer? I shall call them outsiders.. no.. insiders... I am the outsider. I break and snap my bonds between them by shutting myself in a room. Surrounded my darkness I let the hot tears run down my cheek. Screaming until my voice is gone. I mouth words into the mirror. No sound coming from my throat. Just the pathetic squeaking of what is left of my voice. But my reflection understands.. Crying with me.. As does my shadow. The three of us. Alone in the room. All understanding one another. I wrap my arms around my knees and talk to my shadow. It never responds but I can feel the understanding. Its there, as obvious as my blood shot eyes. The clock in the corner of the room ticks away sounding another second of my life wasted... But what am I going to do about it? Sit here and cry about it...? oh... that's right... how can I start something when I'm already doing it? Blood runs down my arms as I hold them in the air reaching for nothing. This will all be over soon.. I know it... My reflection tells me everyday.. It smiles at me as I do. It always knows the right thing to say... It knows me so well. We could be twins even... I turn away from my reflection and stand in the middle of the room. Its flooding my mind. Giving me a piercing headache. I cover my ears to block out the voices that are already in my head. Hell is what I make it to be.. Its in my head.. I fall to my knees.. "Please stop.." I whisper pathetically. I stand again... letting my arms fall to my sides. I lift the corners of my lips forcing a smile to split my face. It feels nice to smile out of bliss. I ponder at the ground. My shadow is looking back at me... I look forward to see light spilling from an open door. I glide though. Blinded by the brightness, I shield my eyes. I have been in the dark for so long. Is this light? It really is.. True light... no more artificial light shine down on my broken shoulders resting on my back. The blood washes away around my feet. I leave my mirror behind no longer feeling the need to crawl back to it... I grin and look up. I laugh at the light. The blue sky.. The insiders gathering around me all laughing with me.. I am no longer the outsider. My self worth.. I feel it growing inside of me. I look to the sky. Wind blowing through my hair. I inhale the sweet smelling air. I forgot what this feels like. The stale air in the room leaving my memories. My walls used to protect myself still stand in the fear of this replaying.. I sighs at the thought of it all.. My eyes flash to my future.. only to my future. my past is growling in my ear.. Something I will have to deal with forever... "Walk on.." Someone tells me.. "Do this for your insiders.. loved ones.." I nod at the words.
"I promise..."~